Sunday, May 6, 2012

The Life of Julia

President Obama is very concerned about women.
Especially Julia.
The news has been talking about the character created by the Obama campaign named "Julia" and how her life has been made into a fairytale thanks to Obama's decisions as President. After days of hearing this little spiel I decided to check it out.
I am not a political pundent, economist or analyist but here is what I have to say about Julia. As a heads up, Julia, please don't take any offense to my observations. Nothing against you.
To start, Julia goes to a headstart program as a little 3 year old. Aww, Julia is so cute. I can see her with bows in her hair and a book in hand. She is probably reading "I Am a Bunny." Julia has good taste and enjoys the classics (book choice mine).
Next, she is 17 and she gets SAT help.
Wait a second. What just happened to the past 14 years? Julia never learned how to multiply. How in the world will she succeed on the SATs? No one helped her take her PSSAs in eighth grade. What about her first cell phone? They didn't mention that. Julia is very behind.
And now they are going to send her to college. This could be disastrous.
Then she has surgery and Obama can take credit for that now, too. At least that's what he says. He let her stay on her parents insurance. Gee, thanks. You let her parents pay for her. What a swell guy you are! You let people pay for something. You shouldn't have.
When Julia is 23 she is thankful for the Equal Pay Act. Obama forgot to mention that he found her a job. Is that a given? I think you have to have a job to have any pay. Equal or unequal. Maybe someone should tell Obama.
Now that Julia is done with college she only has to pay back $230,000,000 instead of $320,000,000 on her student loans. He forgot to tell us who paid the rest. I'm sure he'll get around to that late, right?
When Julia is 27 she is a working gal, enjoying the benefits of birth control so she can focus on her career. Thank goodness. She can have sex without worrying about the consequences of her actions. Great.
At age 31 Julia decides its time to bring a child into the world. Obama was just waiting for this day. Oh, how happy he is to pay for this new bundle of joy!
When Julia's son needs to go to school Obama is going to help him out, too. Someone should really send Obama a thank you card for all of this.
But I've been thinking, they forgot to include the slide where Obama finds Julia a husband. She needs Prince Charming, ya know? ain't free. Those 20% promotional codes only get you so far. Obama needs to add a slide. eHarmony has good results, too, I hear. He should cover both. This will enhance democracy. The people can choose their dating website. This is only fair. If he is going to get us a career and a kid he better get us a man to help out. Lets get real here - children can be a handful. In fact, throw in a nanny, too. Julia is working for goodness sake! How do you expect her to be there when little Zachary gets off the bus when she has to pay back those "modest" school loans?
And the house is a mess. Well, what did you expect? Julia gets home from work, gets dinner on the table, helps Zachary with his homework and gets him ready for bed. How would she possibly have time to scrub the floors and dust the furniture. She needs a maid. Chop, chop, Obama. I hear the Merry Maids really make a home sparkle. But check Angie's List first. I'm sure Obama would have thought of that already.
Now, Julia is 42 and she is starting her own business. Talk about time consuming! Thank goodness for the maid and nanny.
Watch out, big jump ahead: now she is 65. What happened to the business? Obama gave her money to start it but that was just to get it off the ground. Everyone knows it takes at least 3 years to establish a solid business. Did her business succeed? Did Obama help her run the books in the wee-hours of the night and build a clientele?
Clearly, there are some gaps in his presentation.
At age 67 Julia gets a check in the mail every month. This will come from Social Security. It says that she paid in her whole life and now she will get it back. That was nice of Obama to keep a piggy bank for Julia. It is so tempting to break it open when it is sitting at home on the shelf.
And so concludes the Life of Julia.
But I am perplexed. Did she die at age 68? Who paid for her funeral? Burial plots are no cheap date. Did he pay for that, too? I sure hope so because what a burden that would be on Zachary. Since he doesn't have a Dad or any siblings he would have to pay for it himself.
Maybe I should write Obama a letter. There are a few flaws in his fictional fairytale.

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