Fun Schway???

Let us now explore the Chinese principle of feng shui (thank you spelling genius Google).
An episode on HGTV's Property Virgins has sparked my curiosity into this ancient practice. A couple on the TV show were looking for their first home. This is why I love Property Virgins. It gives the viewer a peak into the unrealistic expectations of the average American first time home buyer. This couple, as adorable as they were, wanted a home with the proper "feng shui." Say what?
Most people just want granite and stainless steal.
Good luck to this realtor!
After the couple found a home that would suit their needs and keep the good fortune a coming I went into research mode.
Upon further investigation I have learned that feng shui is all about the chi.
Again: say what?
Energy. Pretty much the energy in your home either dooms you or gives you a ticket to happiness and prosperity.
All because of how you position your couch?
Not just your couch but your bathroom toilet too. Apparently in the world of the shui the toilet can really mess up one's life. If the bathroom is in the center of the house you are pretty much a dead man - literally. Chinese theory says that a bathroom in the middle of the home throws ill health all around the rest of the house, contaminating all the poor unsuspecting inhabitants within. Home sweet home, eh?
A couch with its back facing the front door? Why don't you just slap your guest in the face? Talk about negative energy!
And beware of the corners. The corners are like a black hole for energy, letting sickness and destruction seap into the home. Plants can help - but not if they have spikes on them. Very anti-shui. But crystals, on the other hand, are acceptable. Thank goodness because I was wondering where my crystal chandaleer was going to fit into my new decor. I can also put an aquarium in my corner. Pippy would like that. She could watch the fishies while getting her positive chi on.
As if all of these rules weren't enough, there is more: the five elements. Uh-oh. I see trouble for my household in the future.
The elements are wood, fire, earth, metal and water and they all correspond with color. Too much dark and you suffer poor health. Too much red and you bring an angry mob into your village, er home. Who knew the color of your wall could do so much damage to a community? Sherwin Williams is practically the mafia, selling red buckets of paint by the gallons. Do they enjoy mass devastation? Evil is lurking in those paint cans.
The more I read the more overwhelmed I am.
What is the best direction to sit?
What direction are the street signs outside?
What is the view from the back window in the kitchen?
Which direction does the house face?
Is the dining room in the south-east corner?
Do you have a wealth corner?
All together now: say what?
Clearly I am over my head with all this feng shui business.
I'm sticking with Steph shui.  This includes 2 elements: don't hang pictures too high and get a comfy bed pillow.
Now, sit back, relax and enjoy. And may your days be filled with blessings and good health - no matter which direction your door faces.