Thursday, May 3, 2012

Kitchen Massacre

There are some issues I'd rather live with then attempt to resolve.
Case in point: cold water in the kitchen sink. Let me explain.
Since moving into my new place I have struggled to get any hot water in the kitchen sink. Forceful cold? Yes. Tiny warm drizzle? Occasionally. But hot, disinfecting, powerful water? No such luck. The faucet on this sink is a little twisted. It doesn't have a cold and hot knob. This is a major annoyance of mine. I just can't seem to grasp the single lever water dispenser. I tend to get it too far to the left and get burned or too far to the right and end up with icicle hands. Give me two separate, distinct handles and I'm a pro. I'll get the perfect level of warmth in moments. Just don't expect me to find hand/dish washing perfection when you are limiting the amount of equipment I have to work with.
When Mom arrived she immediately commented on the missing hot water in the kitchen. I was relieved - I thought it had been my one-knob handicap that was causing the MIA heat. Apparently, I had nothing to do with it. She did a lot of twisting of the knob and letting the water run to see if it was just slow on the command retrieval end. But no. Still nothing.
This morning Mom took matters into her own hands. She went DIY on me.
Bob Villa cover your ears.
Usually my Mom fixing things under the sink is either a) successful or b) makes no difference in circumstances. But today option c) came into being with rapid force - literally. 
With her head in the kitchen cabinet, she twisted some mystery knobs. She didn't have a flash light. Surprised? Within moments panic came from the voice in my kitchen cabinet along with a slight stream of water. Upon further investigation, the water was not in the sink, it was on Mom's head.
I grabbed a bowl. What else could I do? When it comes to home repair I'm over my head. Add water and I'm way over my head.  But I did know where the bowls were.
My advice as the water kept coming in a very steady, hot (Yay), stream of water: turn that knob the opposite direction! Righty tighty, lefty loosy. We were going too loosy. More tighty seemed to make sense.
Or so we thought.
Until the steady stream easily contained in a bucket turned into a machine gun of hot water attacking the kitchen. Screaming ensued.  Language that I will not repeat may have been uttered, I cannot be sure of anything. We were facing flood waters on the kitchen floor. Not only was the water rising but it was looking red, caused by the dye in the rug on the floor.
This plumbing disaster was starting to look like a crime scene. The investigation of who tried to fix this darn kitchen sink?
Dateline special will follow.
In a moment of sheer genius I remembered where the hot water tank is located. Okay, so maybe it wasn't genius because I didn't know what to do with it once I got there but Mom came running (aka slipping, sliding and soaking wet) and attempted to find the shut off valve.
Maybe I should have stopped her. The hot water tank spewing water would have been a major issue and given her past three minutes she might not be the best person to trust with water and valves. At the time I didn't think this at all. In the moment I just wanted the water off!
Thankfully, she reached for the handle, pulled it and the kitchen massacre came to an end. Thank you God.
Time to survey the damage.
It wasn't pretty.
The kitchen was floating in red water. The body (a Pier 1 rug) lay lifeless on the floor.
He never saw it coming.
And neither did Mom and I. We were attacked in our own home. Next time I'm sleeping with a towel under my pillow. But until then, I'm calling my landlord.
The police would ask too many questions. 

No comments:

Post a Comment