Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Cows Diet

What happens when a man calls a woman a cow?
He might get slapped. He might cause a river of tears and the use of a box of tissues. Screaming might ensue. If the man and woman in question are married you can be sure someone is sleeping on the couch that night, and it isn't a farm animal.
Bottom line: calling a woman a cow doesn't go over well - and with good reason. Calling someone a cow is an insult. If you ask Urban Dictionary what a "cow" is the very first definition is as follows: Someone who blocks the aisles in a grocery store with their massive girth. This comes before animal, source of milk and dairy products or livestock. Nope, Urban Dictionary jumps right to the juicy stuff, proving my point (thank you, urbandictionary.com) that calling a woman a cow is in no way a compliment.
Given this term, I was surprised to see a woman on Fox News this morning from the company "Skinny Cow". Hmm... I would have expected the spokesperson to be a man. What kind of woman would name their company such a thing? Who wants to be buying products touting this offensive slang?
I wouldn't want to be admitting I was eating something from Skinny Cow. It doesn't seem like the kind of food you'd want to be proud of. Baskin Robbins? Ben and Jerry's? Sure, flaunt your fattening splurge. But Skinny Cow? It seems like the kind of thing you eat in secret after the kids have gone to bed and your husband is too busy watching football to notice.
If you are eating Skinny Cow I assume you are concerned about your weight. Maybe someone has called you a cow and now you believe you must resort to eating products that are, what, made for you? I decided to do a little investigating to see what the appeal is.
Guess who their mascot is. Yep, a cow named Skinny. She is not a fat cow. I assume she is a cow that has been on a diet. Skinny must be eating a lot of skinny ice cream cups and sandwiches. She knows how to keep her figure. She even has a tape measure around her waist just to show that the picture is not just a figure of the imagination, this cow isn't fat. She has been getting her walking in and watching her diet, I suppose. But as the site tells us, she knows how to indulge.
You can eat ice cream and still stay health and lean, so they say. Intriguing! Do tell.
Next stop was the ingredient list. I looked at the Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream cup because I like fruit and I assume cows do, too. The second ingredient had corn syrup in it. High fructose corn syrup wasn't far behind. Hmm... last I checked cows ate grass. I would think that grass would keep them leaner then this "healthy" ice cream cup.
Now I am confused. I have believed that eating "close to the ground" was healthier and would help maintain healthy weight. Now I'm told that fat cows are created off grass and made lean and healthy fighting machines by eating ice cream.
Skinny, the cow, you have utterly confused me. Your eating habits defy my logic.
And so do your eyelashes. Can you tell me which mascara you use? That is a piece of information I would definitely put to good use because for the life of me I can't seem to pick a good one. That can be the next Skinny Cow product - Skinny Mascara. But it will make my lashes fat. I like my lashes to be cow-like in their figure.
If they can make logic defying ice cream then why not eye defying mascara?

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