I've had to learn to let go.
As my physical abilities have wasted away I've been forced to let go of my capacity to run and lift heavy weight. I've had to let go of the body I could depend on the stamina I enjoyed and the vitality I thought would never end.
I've had to let go of the simple abilities I so casually took for granted. Jiggling baby nieces and nephews and giving toddles piggy back rides are all activities I performed without a second thought. But now I'm too weak. My back is in too much pain and I've had to learn to let go.
I've had to learn to let go of the dreams of what I believed my life "should" be. I've had to learn to let go of the milestones I've missed and the expectations I've failed to meet. I've had to learn to let go of my plans and release my fixation on the future.
In the saga that has been this struggle I've learned to let go of my reliance on steady by the world's standards. It hasn't been easy or comfortable, but my death grip on dependable has been released. I've had to let go of knowing what is to come. I've had to let go of my misery, my sorrow and my pain, learning to rest with open, empty hands.
In all of this learning to let go I've been learning that in my hands and in my heart there is only one thing that I should be holding. To be at peace, rest and entirely surrendered to God there is only one thing I can be holding onto. I can only be holding God. He is who my heart can behold no matter what my physical condition. Christ is who I can behold when babies weigh too much and toddlers tax my back.
God has taught me to let go of everything other than Himself. Be holding nothing but His Son. Grip nothing but His Spirit. And as I've put His lesson on beholding into practice I've learned the purpose and the principle behind the letting go. It is when I let go of all I am and behold of who God is that I am complete. I am strong. I am at peace. I am content. I am full of joy. Not because of what I have to hold but WHO I relentlessly Behold.
Misery meets its Master when it is the Master who I behold.