Friday, June 21, 2013

Dear future husband...

Dear future husband,
For years I spent my days alone and unattached. There were days I was convinced that would be my forever status, destined to a life of single-hood. I had days where I was content with that possibility. And then there were other days that the thought of never having someone to love was enough to crush my spirit.
As the years wore on the desire to someday be united with someone became stronger. There were parts of my life I wanted to share with someone else. There were experiences that I knew would be multiplied in joy if they could be shared with a male companion. So I surrendered to God these desires. I laid them down before him, admitting to myself and to God that I didn't want to be alone forever. Someday I wanted to be someone's wife. Admitting this was the first step in resting in my singleness. "Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart"... I rested in this promise, knowing that my status in life as a single woman allowed me the most ample opportunity to delight in the Lord. There were no distractions, I could focus all my attentions and energy towards growing in the Lord. He was giving me special time to do just that.
But while I delighted in him, I thought of you and prayed for you. I would pray that wherever you were, whoever you were, God was directing your path and touching your heart. I prayed that you were growing to be more Christlike and learning to live life in obedience to him. I prayed that you were safe and out of harms way. One night I was woken up out of the clear blue with the distinct burden to pray for your physical safety. I wonder now what was happening to you that night. Were you in danger or was your spirit troubled? It was in the spring of 2013 that this night occurred. I often wonder where you were that night.
As I prayed for you I also prayed for myself, that I would be molded into a godly wife. I knew that for our marriage to thrive and honor God in the future we had to both be growing in him as single individuals. I wanted to be a woman living in surrendered obedience to Christ, fulfilling his purpose for my life before I met you. I wanted to be mature in my faith before you and I started our journey in life together.
In those days I struggled with loneliness and the longing to have you. I didn't know you, couldn't picture the cut of your hair or the color of your eyes, but I longed for you. My heart wanted to be united with yours. My arms yearned to be warm in your embrace. At times my longing was overwhelming - it brought me to tears. But in my more rational moments I knew that it wasn't time to know you just yet. God still had work to do on us. When I was able to set emotions aside I could see the blessing we were both being given by being single, alone and unaware of one another. We could get to know God on a deeper level and become molded to his image. That was and is always most important.
Now we are together, united as one. The long anticipated wait is over and the journey of a life together has begun. Just as there were difficult days as singles, there will be difficult days in marriage. At times we will feel frustrated. There will be circumstances where we don't see eye to eye. But we are not embarking on this journey alone, we are in this marriage with God as our guide and as our constant companion. When we were alone we relied on his guidance and became obedient to his teachings and commands. Now we will do the same. We will walk in light of the Bible and its instructions. We will rely on prayer and the wisdom of God.
I am so thankful for the time I spent getting ready for your arrival into my life. I was grown in ways I didn't know I needed to grow. It was all in preparation for the work God had for me and the people he would bring into my life. Ultimately, he worked on me so he could use me. He worked on you for the same purpose. And now he has brought us together so that we can walk the path of furthering his kingdom as a pair, united in purpose and love.
I have loved you before I knew you. I have prayed for you even when I didn't know your name. I can't wait for the surprises that are in store for our future. The road to meet you curved and wound down trails not found on a map and roads rarely traveled. God only knows what route will come next! One thing I do know: it will be the adventure of a lifetime and I couldn't dream up a better partner to experience it with.

Your future wife

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