Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Blind but now I see

I opened my eyes to see but a fog covered my left cornea. I closed my right eye, blinked in the left and then checked again. Still clouds and fog. Out of my left eye I was looking at the world in a misty haze while out of right eye I could see clear and bright.
The sudden vision loss shouldn't have surprise me yet every time I experience physical deterioration it catches me unawares. I should have seen this one coming in the aggravated bubble that appeared on my eye lid. When the bubble grew and then burst did I expect the result to be 20/20 vision? I suppose somewhere in me I held out hope that when it healed my eye would better than before but my hopes were not fulfilled, at least not time.
Now I have a cloudy eye that is getting hazier, and harder to open, by the day. I will admit that this is deterioration number two in the past month that has put the fear in me. Serious concerns form in my mind when I consider losing the vision in an eye. Blind, even in one eye, scares me. Blind just sounds hard. Blind sounds like a heavy burden to bear.
How difficult would it be to function in a world that depends so much on sight? How would I manage without the use of eyes? The thought of soon knowing all too personally the answer to those questions has put the fear in me.
To some it must sound crazy to continue down this road of treatment when my body is seemingly deteriorating right before my very eyes. I understand why some might call my health decisions foolish and my approach irresponsible. I understand having concerns because I've had concerns, too.
With nearly every physical lose I've had fears and worries. I've had questions and been utterly afraid. But then I stop, blink and can see that God is there.
That is just what happened when I discovered the deterioration of vision in my left eye. First I feared then I blinked and there He was. God was in my presence and all around me. I didn't need the sight of my eyes to perceive the glory of the King. His Holy Spirit overwhelmed me. His indwelling was undeniable and in that moment I stopped fearing the lose of my eye sight.
God doesn't need my vision. He will be my vision. He doesn't require I have my own eyes to behold His glory. He will gladly show me His Son, my Savior, regardless of my ability to see.
What need have I for eyes when surrounded by eternal glory? What use is vision when God comes to visit? Fixated on the sight of His glory, I do not need to fear the lose of my eye's sight. I do not even need to fear going entirely blind. God has given me eyes to see His perfect vision, the Lord Jesus Christ and He is the only sight I need.

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