For months my life's vessel has been on a journey across the sea of Lyme Disease. On this vast ocean the storms come in quickly with a devastating ferocity. Traversing these open waters I have experienced rains riddled with hail stones and winds that have brought me to my knees. But this morning it wasn't a storm with winds and waves that rocked my vessel to its very core.
It was an iceberg.
Impact with the iceberg sent me crashing into a devastating pain buried so deep within me that it reached to the very bottom of my soul's ocean. On the surface of the glazier all I could see was loneliness floating on a snowy cap of singleness but underneath the surface an agony far more devastating ripped me apart. It split me in two, sending me below the surface of the waves where the depth, width and true breadth of the iceberg was revealed.
Right beneath the loneliness, the singleness and the yearning for companionship I saw a broken engagement from seven years ago and the aching pain of rejection. I'd been rocked by this iceberg before but never like this. This time the pain was different, more intense.
The iceberg went deeper, plunging me into the darkest depths of my heart's ocean, all the way into my seven year femininity famine.
Seven years ago my womanhood began disappearing. It began with the loss of my menstrual cycle and weight before quickly robbing me of my hormone balance and hair. It even snatched away my voice. For seven long, painful years I have helplessly watched my every womanly feature and characteristic disappear.
This devastating iceberg ravages my heart as I think about the long, golden hair that once fell down my shoulders and kissed my tan skin. When I remember the shape and muscle that used to cover my frame it brings tears of morning to my eyes. With every memory of feeling pretty, desirable and attractive my soul sinks further into the deep. Every thought of the woman I once was, the woman I believed I was becoming, destroys me with depression, grief and sorrow.
I ended up battered, beaten and broken, utterly shipwrecked at the bottom of my life's ocean. And that's when I saw it, a light from the water's surface, illuminating my deep darkness. In the light there was hope. Hope in God to bring me back to life again. Hope in the restoration my femininity. Hope in the one and only God to make me whole again. Hope that God is in the process of transforming me into a lady more beautiful, radiant and feminine than every before.
At that moment something began to happen to the iceberg. It started to shrink. The bottom began to disappear and the top started to melt. With hope I watched as God took up a chisel and began to demolish the iceberg. With His powerful hand God obliterated my iceberg with the resounding triumph of His promises. God utterly devastated the evils of the icy glazier and cleared the way for my soul to be restored.
Praise God that He is seeing me through every storm and conquering my every iceberg. Because God has my healing in His hands, I can rest in the hope of restoration and renewal knowing that He is making me and my femininity brand new.