I used to think my sickness was a curse. Some cruel form of punishment for past wrongdoings. When I became sick I believed I was the cause of my illness. Something I had done in my previous life, my life before I became one with Christ, must have brought about my malady. I believed that my sickness was a consequence for my rebellion.
Years ago God lifted that veil of misunderstanding. He showed me that when He forgave me and when I accepted that forgiveness, my transgressions and every evidence that they were ever perpetrated was removed. God forgave and forgot. When my eyes were opened to this truth a heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders. I wasn't the cause of my health crisis. My sin didn't bring about my sickness. I was and am forgiven and free.
The burden of self-guilt and blame lifted years ago but one question has remained. Why am I sick? I've asked this question so many times I sound like a broken record. I question why my health took a drastic and sudden turn for the worse and what set the whole decline into motion. Like a young child longing for understanding I've raised my question to God, seeking clarity and truth. If I am not the cause of my condition, then what did cause it and why?
For years I have been waiting for God to answer my question. From my knees on my floor I've been calling for help, writing messages of SOS in the sands of my heart's desperate cries. Little did I know that I was asking the wrong question.
All this time I've been defining my sickness in terms of my physical condition. God's definition looks much different. And so is His answer.
You see, here is where I went wrong. I thought that being sick was all about the failing of my body but God's definition of sickness is entirely different. He defines sickness as a weakness in heart. Sickness is not a condition of the body. It is a separation from Christ.
In that moment of revelation God showed me that His primary concern for me is not the functioning of my body. It is the wellness of my heart.
And that's when I received the answer to my question.
You are not sick. You are not weak because you're heart is strong in Christ.
God had to cleanse me of my faulty definition of sickness before I came to realize that I was asking the wrong questions and seeking the wrong answers. The right answer, the one my heart has longed for all along, was written long before I ever posed the question.
I am not sick at all. I am well because all is well with my soul.