Tomorrow will mark one week of being on my own here in Sarasota.
Tomorrow will also be the day Pippy arrives.
And my Mom, too.
I must admit that this first week has been a mix of good, bad and ugly.
The first night I cried. It hit me as I laid down to sleep that I was alone and that I would be alone the next day and the day after that and the day after that and, well, you get the point. All I could see was me alone in a forest and there was no one around. Forget the fact that I was in a condo with at least fifty other units in the beautifully landscaped complex, in a city with over 52,025 people as of July 2009 (thank you Google search). All of that was irrelevant that first night. There was no one else in my condo with me and that made me alone in the universe.
Each night has improved since that first cry-fest. I spent the first five nights falling asleep with the TV on to forget that no one else was around but last night I turned it off and decided to tough it out like a big girl. I came short of singing "I'm a big girl now" but trust me I was thinking it.
Despite the fact that nights have gotten manageable, days have gotten harder. Much of my time has been spent lurking in Marshall's and TJ Maxx, looking for the right touches for the condo. I've since exhausted all isles of all such stores and still haven't completed decorating my apartment. Thank goodness new shipments come in daily and Marshall's is only one mile from my new home. Bottom line, I'll be back.
But hunting for the perfect home accessories isn't doing it for me anymore. I'm finding it harder to feel motivated to get up in the morning. I'm feeling lethargic. I wish I could blame this on being tired of hitting up every store in the tri-state area but I think it goes deeper than that. My health has obviously been a concern for a while now (try over two years) and there have been many days where getting up and moving felt like an impossible task. There have been days in the past couple of years where I felt that my body giving out was a possibility. I refer to those days as "The Mac Truck hit me" feeling. I would put mind over matter on those days and will myself to keep on moving forward. Sometimes that meant just getting out of the house for an hour. Moving didn't always mean it had to be earthshaking, sometimes it was just enough to not be sitting on the couch.
When I adopted Pippy I had been doing better physically. Weight had started to return and with it came energy. In those dog days of summer I had the energy to take Pippy on multiple walks a day and work without any struggle to keep up.
Then that all started to change. My health took a turn for the worst and the feeling of lethargy returned with extreme force.
That is when I saw God's divine Pippy timing. He brought her into my life right before I was about to suffer again. I had no idea what struggles were ahead of me when I embarked on puppy ownership, but God did. He knew I would benefit from having a furry friend in the days to come. There were moments that getting up felt like a physical strain that I didn't want to compete with, but Pippy needed walked, so I got up and got out. God knew I would need motivation. God knew I would need something pushing me to walk around a few blocks. Pippy was that push. She kept me going when it would have been easy to stay planted on the couch.
Now I'm here without her and I'm realizing what a blessing she has been. The only thing pushing me now is my mind. A dog is more effective and much more enjoyable. She can give love and encouragement while demanding that she get outside ASAP to do her doggie business. Unless I want to end up on hands and knees with a pile of paper towels and a plastic bag, I better head the prancing pooch to the door, and quick. Without her jumping around I am relying on my own mental willpower on the days I'm lacking in the energy department.
Unfortunately, those days of lethargy have been plentiful in the past week. By nine I'm exhausted and can barely stay on the phone with my Mom. Picking up a ten pound weight in the gym feels like an accomplishment (it used to feel like make-believe workout). My body feels like it is weighed down with sand bags. My body is telling my head that it is seventy and my head is having trouble relaying the message that is only twenty two.
I need Pippy to get back down here, and pronto.
I have lost my patience at times with her and snapped too quickly. There have been days when I haven't shown her the attention she deserves. But I'm realizing that I owe her, big time. She has been a motivational cheerleader through bad health. Who knew a dog could be such a thing? I didn't. Not until I needed her to take that role.
Thank goodness that God's plan is far better than my own. I was never a dog person and never intended to be a dog owner at this age but God had different plans. He laid a heavy weight on my heart to get a puppy, fully knowing that this was going to come in handy in the not so distant future.
I'm so glad I listened.
And I'm so glad Pippy will be here tomorrow.