Sunday, July 17, 2016

Who I Am

I want to be known.
Now, I know what you must be thinking or at least what song must be playing in your head. Does "You're So Vain" ring a bell? But my heartfelt desire to be known in the world has nothing to do with the typical landmark achievements that lead to stardom and fame. The way in which I hope to be known has nothing to do with news media, TV screens or my name in any set of lights. I don't want to be known for celebrity, nor am I banking on acclaim for any of the inventions I've been creating in my own mind. I think the ideas are brilliant but I'm not sending in proposals to Shark Tank anytime soon.
The way I want to be known has more to do with how I'm NOT known. To put it bluntly (a practice I'm all in favor of), I don't want to be known as the sick girl. I don't want to have the reputation of the girl with that illness. I don't want to be known for my lack of weight, weak body or spastic muscles. Every fiber of my being longs to NOT be known as the girl with MS.
There is nothing flattering about being known as sickly. The routine questioning about physical ailments is never a favorable conversation leading to up-beat, lighthearted chatter. The sad, sideways glances of well-meaning friends is down-right soul-sucking. There is no pleasure to be had in being continually recognized as physically depleted and perpetually ill.
More than anything, I long to shake this sickly persona and be known for something bigger, brighter and far more beautiful than a collection of symptoms. I crave to be known for who I am, not what I have.
In Christ, my longing is satisfied.
The world may look at me with a pained and downcast expression but God looks at me with a brilliant smile and bright eyes. He sees past my frail and fatigued body and sees only healing taking place. At the deepest places of my heart God sees me blossoming, bearing the fruits He has sown. In my body He sees a work of restoration. There is a new, strong, revitalized body being built even now. God sees it all and knows it all.
And that's how He can know me for who I truly am: a girl softened by His grace, on fire for His love and consumed with His glory. God, the only One who can see past my every symptom, knows me best and knows my heart better than anyone. My name is in His book and with it the most comprehensive and exact knowledge of who I truly am: Christ's.
God knows me because I am His precious child who is full of life, energy, a bright future and a colorful testimony of a past. God sees that I'm filled with great hope for the future. God knows that I have joy because Jesus lives. God smiles because He is not deceived by my size. Although I am small, I am but mighty because of His power.
I want you to know who has made me who I am: Jesus Christ. I want you to know who I am is only because of who He is and the new life He has made possible by way of the cross. Once you know me the true desire of my heart is that you'll see Christ in me and by His power and for His glory be known as His.

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