I used to think I knew but then my normal got turned upside down. So, for the past seven years, I've been adjusting and adapting to an "abnormal" life but, once again, my "normal" is shifting. As of late, a new normal has taken over my daily routine and, I'll admit, it's taken some getting used to.
For seven long years I have been wrapped up in the abnormal world of a health saga. With the exception of a few months of relief along the way, most of my twenties have been spent under a cloud of mysterious illness. Even when the symptoms have waned, the inexplicable nature of their comings and goings has haunted me.
As "abnormal" as this life has been, my strange existence has actually become quite "normal" to me. Over time I've come to raise fewer questions and doubts about my limitations. I've even learned to be comfortable in the quiet life.
From my "abnormal" life I've fantasized from afar about what a life returned to full health would look like in reality. In my imagination I had visions and they were always glorious. In my mind's eye I would see myself running full of strength and vigor. I imagined community and friendships. I created a "normal" of physical restoration where my body would be whole and healthy with a full life to match.
But my vision of normal never included the trials and tribulations of making such a dramatic change from the "abnormal." I pictured a flawless and smooth transition from a life of sickness to one of health. Just call me Pollyanna, because I never foresaw a single bump in the road nor challenge along the shifting sands of normalcy. I simply assumed it would be a journey of pure bliss and, dare I say, ease.
But we all know what happens when we assume...we end up looking very foolish and, in my case, very wrong.
As my "normal" has been changing so has my fairy tale vision. My every miraculous healing assumption has been shattered on the long road to physical restoration. Instead of a smooth and steady uphill climb I predicted, healing has been a rocky ascent. Every time I think I am about to reach a peak, or at least tread on friendly terrain, a mountain ridge comes into view and I am reminded that my journey is far from over.
Even the transition into the new normal of friendships and community has proven to be far more treacherous a mountain to scale than I ever anticipated.
As it turns out, my highly-anticipated "normal," and the journey to get there, looks much different in reality than it did in my creative, and flawed, imagination.
While I've been busy envisioning the dream of what a new normal might be I missed the beauty of the "abnormal" life God's given to me. This life that I so long fought against has not been a curse. The quiet life has not been some form of brutal silent torture. Frailty has not been a weakness. Stillness has not been a death sentence.
"Abnormal" has been God's blessed gift wrapped up especially for me.
Now, as my body changes and my health grows stronger the "normal" of my daily routine will most likely change too. But it won't change according to my vision. It will change according to God's will and in His perfect time.
With the author of my life rewriting my "normal" I am free from the need to imagine what a different reality will look like because even in my wildest dreams I could never imagine the amazing future God has planned. I need not know or even see a glimpse of my body's physical restoration or the relationships He has awaiting me because I can rest in faith that it is all safe and secure in His hands.
Because God is faithful to His promises and true to His Word, I am assured that no matter what new "normal" He brings it will be gloriously, eternally good.
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