Wednesday, February 7, 2018
I blinked and fog covered my cornea. I closed my right eye, blinked a few times in the left and checked again. Still just clouds and fog. There was a misty haze in my left eye while the view from my right eye remained clear and bright.
The change in my eye sight shouldn't have surprised me. Just weeks ago I had a painful bubble appear on my eyelid. What good did I expect to proceed such a troubling ailment? I suppose somewhere inside I held out hope that the strange bubble would burst and a miracle would occur. I would be restored to 20/20 vision, better than before. But, alas, my hopes were not fulfilled, at least not time.
Now I have a cloudy eye that is getting hazier, and harder to open, by the day.
I will admit that this is deterioration number two in the past month that has put the fear in me. Serious concerns overwhelm me when I consider losing the vision in an eye. Being blind, even in just one eye, scares me. Blind just sounds hard. When I hear that some is blind I immediately feel a heaviness for them. How difficult must it be to function in a world that depends so much on sight?
Now, blinking with a misty, hazy eye, I might soon be able to answer that question.
I know to some I might appear crazy allowing my body to deteriorate at such a rapid clip while continuing down the same road of treatments. To some this might appear to be plain foolishness. Or stupidity. Take your pick. I can certainly understand such reasoning. I understand the concern because I've had serious concerns, too. I've worried about the next deterioration and questioned if I'm on the right path. I've cried and been angry and experienced every emotion in between.
And then I blink; look up; and God is there. Without fail, as often as I turn to Him with my fears and concerns, He is there. He is always there and He is always offering me comfort and peace.
This is exactly what happened when I discovered the disrupted vision in my left eye. First I feared, then I blinked and there He was. God was in my presence and all around me. I didn't need sight to perceive His glory. His Holy Spirit overwhelmed me.
In that moment I stopped fearing the further loss of my sight. Why should I fear? What use have I for my eyes, anyhow? God doesn't require that I be my own vision. There will be no use for my eyes come heaven and God doesn't require them now. He can show me His way, His Son, and my Savior regardless of my eyes ability to see.
Fixated on the sight of Jesus Christ and captivated by His glory, I do not need to fear the lose of my left eye's sight. I do not even need to fear going entirely blind because God has supplied me the spiritual to see His perfect vision, the Lord Jesus Christ, and that is the only sight I will ever need.