In my former life, the one I lived prior to sickness and disease, I embraced my inner relationship girl. Deep, committed relationship was integral to my existence. I thrived on creating bonds of love and romance. I was a girl with wedding plans and dreams of becoming a young wife. But then I became sick and my inner relationship girl became a shut-in and all femininity was snatched away by the hands of disease.
Ever since relationship girl succumbed to illness I have mourned the loss of her. As fiercely as I have missed enjoying the companionship of a special man, I have missed the relationship girl I used to be within. I have missed the very essence of who I was and ached to experience that life again. I’ve cried tears of longing to feel relationship’s joy again.
From my knees I've cried out to God and begged Him raise my precious relationship girl from her grave. I have pleaded with Him to revive her in the restoration of my body. To God I have even pledged my future marriage and dedicated my future mate. All I’ve asked is that He bring relationship girl back to life.
But relationship girl hasn't risen. She hasn't been raised from the dead. She can’t because relationship girl was crucified so that God's girl may be risen to new life.
On a cross set aside for me, fashioned with the bonds of surrender to Christ, God took my lost and broken relationship girl and let her die in disease. He used nails of sickness to cleanse my past of her sin and shame. In the solitude of His presence, at the foot of Christ’s cross, God let my precious relationship girl perish.
But God did not let her die in vain. Even in the darkness of the grave the life of my inner girl was never for a moment abandoned.
Now, dwelling in my heart’s place where relationship girl once lived there resides someone altogether new. Up from the grave has arisen a different kind of girl. Now it is God’s girl who lives.
With the life of God's girl beating boldly within me I have experienced more love and passion than I ever knew possible. The depth of joy felt in the presence of God is unlike anything relationship girl ever felt before. She never understood the depth of God’s love and the miracle of His grace. The relationship girl of my past didn’t appreciate the sweetness in surrender or the joy of solitude.
Now I see why relationship girl had to die. She had to be crucified with Christ in order that she could be raised to new life as eternal as God’s precious girl.