Hello, my name is Stephanie and I am immature, short fused hothead with a stubborn streak. I'm well versed in angry outbursts and disgusted rants. My voice is well tuned in hostility. I'm skilled at harboring resentments and internalizing frustrations. I have an uncanny ability to hold grudges and withhold forgiveness.
In short, I am a vindictive, irrational, cold-hearted sin-aholic.
But I'm here to announce that I want a change. I'm here to say enough is enough to my sin. I have come to admit that I'm in over my head, too far-gone and in need of help. I'm here to fall on the sword of who I am to be raised up as someone new, someone remade, someone restored. Someone holy.
Alone I am incapable of cutting the chains of my sin addiction. I'm chained too tightly. I'm in too deep. I'm trapped. The ugliness of who I am is too much for me to make beautiful.
I need help and a way out. I need a chain breaker, a redeemer. I need someone to rescue me from myself, my anger and my rage.
So here I am at the throne of God's grace surrendering who I am from the inside, out. I know that the hostile, wretched bleak heart I've harbored is slowly killing me so I'm choosing crucifying it in the name of new life. I'm choosing to give myself over to the Chain Breaker because I don't want to be shackled a moment longer.
And God says I don't have to be.
At the throne of His grace and forgiveness God releases me from my internal bondage. He severs chains I'll never budge by my own strength. He destroys my every ounce of resentment and white washes every layer of my hateful heart.
God has always said that the moment I would fall completely before Him, He would completely remake me. Why did I wait so long? Why did I refuse to allow light into my inner darkness even though I cursed it for keeping me blind and causing me pain? Why was I so stubborn? Why did I hold onto the sin that I knew was trapping me?
God lifts from me the burden of my darkness and the burden of my confusion. He takes away the questions and restores to me new life, new peace, new purpose. He gives me a way out of my pit and into the light - a way out that has been there all along.
The only way out of my sin has always and always will be by way of the manger. Through the perfect, spotless, blameless life of Jesus my slate is wiped clean, my past is forgiven and my heart is revitalized. My chains are broken because of the Babe in the manger who went to the cross to set me free.
Hallelujah what a Savior!
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