Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Relationship Hunting

My guilty pleasure TV of choice goes in phases. There are enough channels for lots of phases.
Phase one is Comical Sitcom Phase. Everything that Seinfeld says is the funniest thing ever! Everybody Loves Raymond gets me laughing during every scene. And I can't stop myself from watching re-run after re-run of The Office. I have a true love for Jim and Pam. Their romance has had me hooked from day one. Don't tell me they are fictional. I'm plugging my ears.
Phase two is Reality TV Phase. This phase is shorter. Say Yes to the Dress can only hold my attention for so long. After a while those bridezillas really get to me. How many woman can you watch complain about their bridesmaid and cry because their Mom didn't have a meltdown at the sight of her first born daughter in "the" wedding gown. At some point I have to change the channel. To more reality TV. Such as Little People, Big World and The Little Couple. I love both of these families. They are so normal and real... beside the fact that there is a camera crew in their house. But that is beside the point. They would act the exact same way that they do with cameras rolling, right? I think so....really I do!
After Reality TV Phase comes Food Network Phase. This could go on awhile. I love the Food Network - not that I ever cook any of the recipes I watch them whip up. I like more of the fast paced, competition shows. Iron Chef America is among my favorites. The intensity level is so absurd it's addictive. Don't ask me to explain the appeal. They cook with crazy ingredients like cow liver. I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole let alone eat it. But I'll watch someone cook with it super fast! And then someone else eat it and judge it. I don't even understand my fascination. Chopped has a similar effect and a similar concept. I'll stay awake till the very end to see who gets on the chopping block. Hands down my favorite Food Network guilty pleasure is Worst Chef in America. I see myself in these amateur chef-wannabes. I fell for their inability to brown the perfect chicken breast and use a knife like Bobby Flay. And their plating presentations? So terrible. Just like mine. I sympathize, chef failures.
The phase I find myself in at the present time is HGTV Phase. This is possibly my favorite phase of all. I can't get enough of watching average home owners and renters search for their first place or a vacation home in a foreign country. Couples decorating a space together really has me all tuned in. Will they agree on paint color? Who's opinion will win in the battle of house 1 vs. house 2? And no they did not just pick that couch!
You can learn so much from HGTV. And I'm not just talking about decorating.
I'm talking relationship 101.
House Hunters is perfect for the relationship critique viewing. I couldn't care less about an episode that features a single looking for a new pad but I can't get enough of episodes with couples. Newly- weds are really the creme de la creme. I believe that you can determine the odds of marriage success by how the episode of house hunting progresses.
Example one we will call Steve and Angela. Steve wants nothing more than to live on the golf course. He isn't hung up on paint colors or square footage. But if the condo isn't 4.5 steps from the tee box he ain't biting. Angela on the other hand wants to have the ability to walk out her door and onto the sandy beach in about 3.2 seconds. No beach? No go. The whole episode is the back and forth banter of two people who want two totally different things. He gave a smirk after every house that didn't have a golf course and made rude remarks about how his opinion reigned supreme. She rolled her eyes. What a cute couple!
The wedding will be a blast. Did I mention that? The wedding date was still a month away. I think their honeymoon phase went on its own honeymoon and forgot to bring along this couple. In the end the house was on the golf course and Angela wore a forced smile. Good luck folks!
Example number 2: we shall call these two love birds Brad and Rachel. Match made in Heaven. I could tell from the foyer of house number 1. Rachel wanted a house with charm. Brad wanted a short commute to work. The sellers wanted $302,498,109 plus a kidney for a small bungalow that needed another $190,999,013 worth of renovations to be even close to appealing. Each house was sadder than the one before. The first house was a short sale, which equals big risk and big wait time. House two was covered in wood paneling and shag carpeting. House three was a million miles away from Brad's work. This looked like a losing proposition. I was worried Brad and Rachel would snap at each other under the pressure. I had such high hopes for their relationship. But they didn't let me down. They held hands at the signing for the house with the short sale. And the good news? They got the house! Yeah!
Those two are going to go the distance. I see a golden anniversary in their future. And I bet they will still be holding hands.
HGTV has so much to teach its viewers, like grouping decor accents in threes and how to introduce color to a bland space with simple design elements such as throw pillows and art work. What you didn't know is that you can learn what to avoid in a mate: like a man who has to be on the golf course and doesn't give a darn about your desire to be on the beach.

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