What to do on the mornings when lonliness and fatigue threaten to overwhelm like a tidal wave? How do you pull yourself out from the current that's pull is ripping you away from shore, into unknown waters?
This morning I was faced with the weight of loneliness and weakness overtaking my body. I lay away in bed, paralyzed, unable and unwilling to move. Emotional and physical fatigue plagued my body even after nine hours of uninterrupted sleep. I lay there, feeling helpless and defeated. All I wanted was to go back to sleep, forget about waking up and getting up for today. Could I stay in bed all day?
I could feel the waves of despair overtaking me. I closed my eyes tight and cried out to God.
God, make my life a sacrifice to you. Use me to glorify your name today. Uphold me in my weakness. Comfort me in my loneliness. God, you will sustain me even when I struggle. Use my difficulties to make your name great. May my life be a testimony to your goodness and grace. Do not remove my struggles, be with me through them.
I couldn't ask God to send me someone to keep me company or miraculous healing as I lay listless in that bed. I knew what God was desiring of me. He just wanted me to face the day by his grace. Rising from bed had nothing to do with how I felt or didn't feel. Getting up was about taking a step in faith that this day is worth celebrating because God created it. The beauty of a fresh morning dew has nothing to do with my physical ailments. Birds singing, sun shining, trees swaying - it is all so much more than the struggles of this body.
I face today not on my own strength but on God's; not by my own power, but my Lord's. I am weak, failing, suffering, defeated, dejected, frustrated, worn out and worn thin but he is mightily strong, consistent, powerful, eternal, glorious and gracious. He is carrying me when I am to weak to stand.
This morning I needed his loving arms more than ever. And, of course, he was there. I cried out to him and he answered. He did not change my circumstances, he stepped in and comforted me in the midst of them. He reminded me that he is right here, suffering with me, commiserating with me and wrapping his arms of love and support around me all the while.