What if?

"What if..." It is a question we all ask ourselves at one time or another. The prodding question is asked in the quiet recesses of the mind. What would life look like if that big "something" hadn't happened? Or what if it had? We silently wonder what our days would look like if we had never encountered that drastic, one hundred-eighty degree change in direction.
I have often found myself asking the big "what if" question, too. If only I could count the many times I've asked, "what if?..."

What if I were healthy?...
What if I didn't have to wonder if and when my body would ever function normally?...
What if I stopped having to think about digestion and metabolism?...
What if I could eat potatoes, night shades and grains and all of the foods that have caused me upset?...
What if my legs ceased to spasm?...
What if the simple act of a hot shower didn't throw my body into a state of turmoil and pain?...
What if my weight were normal, my face were fuller and I had cushioning on my bones?...
What if I didn't have to pray to God for the health and stamina to make it through the day?...
What if I didn't have the need to call out to God for His breath of sustaining life in the middle of the night?...
What if I didn't feel the weight of my weakness that leads me to continually beg God for His strength?...
What if I knew not the sensation of numbness that causes me to cry out to God for relief?...
What if my eyes never failed me and I never had to trust in God to restore my sight?...
What if my muscles were powerful enough to run marathons and ski mountains? 
Or what if I had the stamina just to stay up past nine?...
What if my Saturday evenings were filled with friends and get togethers in crowded places instead of in the serenity of my room in the company of my furry companions?...
What if my life looked normal, like the typical twenty-six year old?...
What if I had never been plucked off my life's course and put on this path filled with illness, pain and sickness?...
What if my plans had succeeded, never to know this crisis of health that is my reality?.... 
What if I had never gotten sick?...

Then...
I wouldn't know what it is like to cry out in the night to God for help.
I wouldn't know the indescribable hand of God that has comforted and sustained me for six long years of inexplicable illness. 
I wouldn't understand the joy in a quiet evening at home in the presence of God.
I wouldn't know that the most powerful and enduring strength comes from God's indwelling.
I wouldn't know the relief and rest that comes from surrendering long held dreams into the hands of God.
I wouldn't know the peace that comes from trusting in His providence.
I wouldn't know the depth of my parent's love and the faithfulness of my family.
I wouldn't know the depth of my church's concern and their tireless care for one of their own.
I wouldn't know the companionship of two little dogs or the comfort that is found in little wet noses.
I wouldn't know that Christ' friendship is enough.
I wouldn't know that God has a great sense of humor and a vivid imagination.
I wouldn't understand just exactly how God can use heavy struggles to make me stronger.
I wouldn't comprehend the depth of God's goodness and the perfection of His plans.
I wouldn't be living for the glory of Heaven instead of the emptiness of this world's today.
I wouldn't know how thankful, grateful and blessed I am to be right where I am, exactly as I am.

And I wouldn't be able to say with sincerity and certainty that I would never trade a single "what is"
for a single "what if."