Things to remember

There are certain things in my memory that I want to make sure I never forget. I believe God gives us experiences to shape us and mold us. If we forget they ever happened then chances are we will also forget the lesson that accompanied them. Here are a few of the things I believe are worth remembering.

1) The feeling of pain I used to experience when I walked. When I was sick, before I knew the muscle in my leg was in a permanently clenched position, walking was painful. There were days that it took sheer mind over matter to take Pippy for a walk. Thank God for her. She kept me moving when all I wanted to do was stay in a chair or in bed. Walking hurt. Every step felt labored. I could feel the tightness that radiated up my body but had no idea where it was coming from or why. Since Dr. Miller has been working on me I have experienced relief from the pain. Now I can walk and walk and walk. I feel nothing but loose muscles. Prior to the pain, I didn't know anything other then the simple ability to walk free of any burden or physical ailment. I took walking for granted. I could do it with no pain and no thought. Then, all of a sudden, that basic function became a struggle. I don't want to ever forget what that was like. I can now experience walking with a new found appreciation for the blessing that it is.

2) When I was living in Florida for my brief stay on the Gulf Coast, I experienced a night where I truly believed if I fell asleep I might never wake up this side of Heaven. I was fully convinced, and fully accepting, of the realization that my life might be ending. Up until that point in my health struggle I hadn't been overcome by such a cloud of death. I had believed that this illness could possibly lead to death and I had questioned whether or not I would ever be healthy, but to believe that death was imminent was a whole different story. I laid there that night and cried, telling God that I was okay with dying if that was his will. I released any hold I had left on my own life. It was emotional and draining but I was immediately at peace. I closed my eyes and fell asleep in an instant. The next morning I woke up knowing that God was sustaining my body and giving me each and every breath. I don't ever want to forget that he is my source of life. I don't ever want to forget that he is giving me each day as a gift, not as a guarantee.

3) Florence - my sponsored child through World Vision. I often forget to pray for her. To be honest, there have been times that I have forgotten I even have a sponsored child! But there she is, on the other side of the world, yet a part of my life. I need to be her prayer warrior. I need to be carrying her and her community and family's needs to God in prayer. She is a child of God just like my nieces and nephews. I remember to pray for them (although, admittedly, not like I should) yet I forget to pray for this other precious child. I have been given the blessing of growing up in a country where I am free to learn God's word, proclaim it and worship him. There are millions of people in this world that don't know that blessing. I don't want to forget them. I want to carry their burdens to the Lord and ask that he break into their nations and their hearts so that they may know the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

4) I don't want to forget what it is like to weigh 73 pounds because some day I am going to weigh 100. I've learned so much in my skin and bones body and I've been given insight that I never knew was possible. When I gain weight and health I want to share what God has taught me with others. I don't want life to return to normal. I never want to return to who I was or where I was. I want to be healthier physically but I don't want to back slide spiritually. I only want physical healing if God is going to use it to further his kingdom and spread his message. If I will forget all the things he has taught me and regress in my growing process then I don't want healing. But if God can heal me and still grow me then I am thrilled to receive that blessing. But no matter what, I don't want to forget what it is like to live in this body because this is a place that I have experienced amazing grace and amazing growth.