A teddy bear tale

It is one of my first childhood memories...
I was about three or four, and my most precious, treasured, teddy bear was lost. I'm sure at the time this teddy bear had a name although that detail escapes me now. What I do remember vividly is the garden green ribbon around the soft, fluffy white neck of my bear. His eyes were a little droopy and his nose was made of thread. I loved that bear and carried him with me everywhere.
Then, one fateful morning just a week before Valentine's day, my beloved bear went missing. I was devastated. At that young age, the loss of my cherished bear was the greatest I had ever known. I searched for him in the house but he was no where to be found. I retraced my steps back to the grocery store where I last remembered seeing him but a call to customer service resulted in more bad news. There had been no bear sighting. Teddy was gone.
With a distraught daughter at home, I remember my Dad did something unusual that chilly February night. He went shopping.
After hearing that teddy was last spotted at the grocery store Dad returned to conduct his own search. When he came up empty handed he refused to be defeated. Determined to bring home a bear he made a stop in the store's gift isle. With just a week to go before Valentine's Day the shelves were well stocked with red and pink packages. It was the perfect place to find a new perfect bear for a little girl. 
When he arrived home that evening, Dad walked through the door wearing a big smile, holding a big, eighteen inch tall balloon. The balloon was clear and decorated with a festive cupid scene complete with hearts and swirls. But inside the balloon was the true treasure. Sitting atop a bed of glittery red and white confetti was a soft, white fluffy bear with gentle eyes and a heart on each paw. Inside the balloon was my new teddy. 
In my four short years of life that was my first encounter with a stuffed animal inside of a balloon. To this day, I have yet to encounter a second. It was and always has been an incredible gift.
With my new bear to hug and hold onto the thoughts of my lost teddy faded away and into the distance. Captivated by the wonder of the gift I'd been given, what I lost became a memory.

My dear Valentine, this is just a glimmer of the beautiful love displayed by our Heavenly Father.
In our loss He comes to our side and satisfies us with His Son. Before the throne of God's grace He bestows the greatest treasure of His Son's Holy Spirit.
When a child cries out and calls on the name of Jesus Christ, the Heavenly Father does not delay. Swifter than a balloon floating down from heaven, He will come and lend His mighty aid. He will enter from on high and lift the burden of His precious child's frantic search. He ends the hunt at the foot of the Cross. In the gift of Christ He replaces sadness with His everlasting, eternal gladness.
Surrounded by the overwhelming glory of the Savior, captivated by His goodness and grace, every thought of loss fades away and even the most precious of teddies becomes a distant memory. Just simply being in the presence of Jesus Christ, that is truly the only "teddy" any of us will ever need.

New Sights

I blinked and fog covered my cornea. I closed my right eye, blinked a few times in the left and checked again. Still just clouds and fog. There was a misty haze in my left eye while the view from my right eye remained clear and bright.

The change in my eye sight shouldn't have surprised me. Just weeks ago I had a painful bubble appear on my eyelid. What good did I expect to proceed such a troubling ailment?  I suppose somewhere inside I held out hope that the strange bubble would burst and a miracle would occur. I would be restored to 20/20 vision, better than before. But, alas, my hopes were not fulfilled, at least not time.
Now I have a cloudy eye that is getting hazier, and harder to open, by the day.
I will admit that this is deterioration number two in the past month that has put the fear in me. Serious concerns overwhelm me when I consider losing the vision in an eye. Being blind, even in just one eye, scares me. Blind just sounds hard. When I hear that some is blind I immediately feel a heaviness for them. How difficult must it be to function in a world that depends so much on sight?
Now, blinking with a misty, hazy eye, I might soon be able to answer that question.

I know to some I might appear crazy allowing my body to deteriorate at such a rapid clip while continuing down the same road of treatments. To some this might appear to be plain foolishness. Or stupidity. Take your pick. I can certainly understand such reasoning. I understand the concern because I've had serious concerns, too. I've worried about the next deterioration and questioned if I'm on the right path. I've cried and been angry and experienced every emotion in between.
And then I blink; look up; and God is there. Without fail, as often as I turn to Him with my fears and concerns, He is there. He is always there and He is always offering me comfort and peace.

This is exactly what happened when I discovered the disrupted vision in my left eye. First I feared, then I blinked and there He was. God was in my presence and all around me. I didn't need sight to perceive His glory. His Holy Spirit overwhelmed me.

In that moment I stopped fearing the further loss of my sight. Why should I fear? What use have I for my eyes, anyhow? God doesn't require that I be my own vision. There will be no use for my eyes come heaven and God doesn't require them now. He can show me His way, His Son, and my Savior regardless of my eyes ability to see.
Fixated on the sight of Jesus Christ and captivated by His glory, I do not need to fear the lose of my left eye's sight. I do not even need to fear going entirely blind because God has supplied me the spiritual to see His perfect vision, the Lord Jesus Christ, and that is the only sight I will ever need. 

It was perfect

Today was magical.
Today was a wonderful day that began at the Word and ended at the Cross. It was an ordinary day turned extraordinary by the sprinkling of God's marvelous presence. God dusted my life with His glory and dazzled me visions of His beauty. He spoke to me without words and comforted me with the sweetest of Heaven’s touch. 
From the very beginning of the day, God was there amazing me.
In an early morning text He stirred me with His faithfulness. With an old childhood journal entry He showed me the splendor of His precious Son, Jesus.

From the scriptures of old I received the Lord's encouragement to keep fighting the good fight of faith. From an old photograph I felt God's loving embrace. 

From the gift of an old rugged cross, I was wrapped in the peace of salvation and overwhelmed with Christ's amazing grace.   

Today, at every turn, God’s Holy Spirit was there to greet me and captivate me. His glory had me on the edge of my seat anticipating the next splendor to be revealed, praying that today would play on endless repeat.

Today was just right. In God's presence it was just as it should be. With God in control, today was a wonderful treasure and a magical delight. 

In the hands of God, today was perfect and, held in the grips of His grace, tomorrow will be too. 

Oh Lord, I pray that this beautiful reality of your presence be my every day magic from now and forever more. Bring on the dusting of your presence. Reach out your hand and make your glory shine! Oh Lord, thank you for your Spirit and for shedding it richly upon my life. 

Thank you for your presence. Thank you for today.

A closer walk with Thee

Since when has Phil been seeing his shadow at 7:00 AM? I always thought he made his winter predication at 8. I was sure of it. At 7:58 I prepared the proper channel so I wouldn't miss a single second of Punxsutawney news coverage. As the commercial break before 8:00 AM came to a close, I took my seat to watch Phil but the scene opened and Phil didn't appear. The local news began anew at 8:00 and no one mentioned a groundhog.
At the bottom of the screen, snippets of today's featured stories flashed across the blotter. "He sees his shadow! 6 more weeks of winter!" I had missed it. Punxsutawney Phil had already seen his shadow. His prediction was already old news.
In the great scheme of things, missing the very moment Phil made his Groundhog Day appearance isn't any great loss. The news stations will play clips of the celebration for the rest of the day. I will get my fill of Phil.
The truth is missing things is a familiar feeling for me now. In the past eight years I've missed a lot of things - celebrations, get-togethers, experiences. I've missed family vacations and birthday parties. I've missed more church services than I can count. I've missed opportunities and milestones.
Yet, at every miss, God has stepped in to fill the gap. In the presence of His glory everything I've missed becomes as meaningless as a Punxsutawney Phil winter weather prediction. 
At every miss God has stepped in and supplied me with the greatest gain: just a closer walk with Thee. 
In the presence of Christ there is nothing I miss. The sufficiency of His amazing grace supplies my every need. The bounty of His love is more than enough to satisfy me.
Consumed by the glory of His Holy Spirit, I have missed nothing and gained everything walking closer with THEE.

Blind but now I see

I opened my eyes to see but a fog covered my left cornea. I closed my right eye, blinked in the left and then checked again. Still clouds and fog. Out of my left eye I was looking at the world in a misty haze while out of right eye I could see clear and bright.
The sudden vision loss shouldn't have surprise me yet every time I experience physical deterioration it catches me unawares. I should have seen this one coming in the aggravated bubble that appeared on my eye lid. When the bubble grew and then burst did I expect the result to be 20/20 vision? I suppose somewhere in me I held out hope that when it healed my eye would better than before but my hopes were not fulfilled, at least not time.
Now I have a cloudy eye that is getting hazier, and harder to open, by the day. I will admit that this is deterioration number two in the past month that has put the fear in me. Serious concerns form in my mind when I consider losing the vision in an eye. Blind, even in one eye, scares me. Blind just sounds hard. Blind sounds like a heavy burden to bear.
How difficult would it be to function in a world that depends so much on sight? How would I manage without the use of eyes? The thought of soon knowing all too personally the answer to those questions has put the fear in me.
To some it must sound crazy to continue down this road of treatment when my body is seemingly deteriorating right before my very eyes. I understand why some might call my health decisions foolish and my approach irresponsible. I understand having concerns because I've had concerns, too.
With nearly every physical lose I've had fears and worries. I've had questions and been utterly afraid. But then I stop, blink and can see that God is there.
That is just what happened when I discovered the deterioration of vision in my left eye. First I feared then I blinked and there He was. God was in my presence and all around me. I didn't need the sight of my eyes to perceive the glory of the King. His Holy Spirit overwhelmed me. His indwelling was undeniable and in that moment I stopped fearing the lose of my eye sight.
God doesn't need my vision. He will be my vision. He doesn't require I have my own eyes to behold His glory. He will gladly show me His Son, my Savior, regardless of my ability to see.
What need have I for eyes when surrounded by eternal glory? What use is vision when God comes to visit? Fixated on the sight of His glory, I do not need to fear the lose of my eye's sight. I do not even need to fear going entirely blind. God has given me eyes to see His perfect vision, the Lord Jesus Christ and He is the only sight I need.

Wigs.com

For as long as I can remember my Dad has been bald or has been in some various stage of balding. My Mom assures me this has not always been the case. He used to have a full of head of hair but one night in his forties in up and left. It hasn't been seen since.
In the absence of his own natural hair my Dad invested in a very fine "toupee." In other words, a man wig. And actually there were two of them. They were mousy brown and slightly resembled squirrels when laying limply on the bathroom counter. These toupees were a fixture in our home worn atop Dad's bald head. He was never seen without his fake hair. He used to say that he couldn't change the fact that he was bald but he could do something about it.
For many years his toupees were his "something to do about it" until one fateful evening when not even man wigs could save him from a hairless reality.
Dad was out of town, traveling on the road for work. Atop his head he wore only his trademark navy blue hat. Both of his toupees happened to be packed in his luggage that was resting in his truck's backseat. In the evening he stopped at a Ruby Tuesdays and ate dinner unaware of the robbery underway in the parking lot.
When Dad returned to his truck the windows were shattered and the backseat was empty. The restaurant bandits had made off with his luggage containing all of his necessities, a Bible and both of his very fine, very beloved toupees.
By a miracle of God, and the strength of a wife's will, my Dad never replaced those toupees. He finally looked in the mirror and faced the facts: he is bald. He has been bald for a long time and, this side of heaven, he will forever be bald. And finally, that became okay with Dad.

Now I'm going bald, too, and I'll confess, I've visited wigs.com. I've perused some very fine wigs and previewed various colors and styles. Like Dad used to say, I can't change the fact that I'm balding but I could do something about it. If I go bald, I could buy a wig.
Or if I go bald, I could accept my hairless reality and claim it with confidence. I could choose to embrace "bald" with joy. I could cast off wigs and every concern about losing my last vestige of femininity. I could decide to step bow before the cross of Christ and be untied with the bounty of His eternal beauty and grace.
Since the woman God is concerned about is the woman within, I'll pass on buying the wig.

I will not fear - even if my hair falls out.

My hair is falling out and I have to admit, I'm scared. Thinning hair I could handle but falling out? This is just too much.
When my not-so-golden locks became noticeably finer, I embraced that part of my "healing journey" with a pixie cut. A short hair style I could pull off, but not bald. That's a hairdo I simply cannot do.
To be fair, I don't have fully developed bald spots just yet but what I do have is a dramatically receding hairline. My hair line's retreat occurred so quickly I didn't even get to say goodbye. One night the thin strands of my bangs packed their bags and fled the scene of of my head. I hoped they were just going on vacation but that was weeks ago and they haven't returned. In fact, my departed hairline has done just the opposite of reappear. It has enticed more hair follicles to follow.
Like strands of hair to the slaughter, the hair on the tippy-top of my head has fallen right in line with my hairline and frizzled right out. It is as if my hair were being scorched, beginning at the very end of each strand. Without any heat, the strands sizzle and sear until they are so fragile they snap off entirely, leaving behind charred hair debris and a much more exposed scalp.
The severe frizzling and falling out of my hair scares me. It petrifies me. I can't imagine my head without hair. Already on my journey for health I've experienced looking like a teenage boy thanks to my curve-less frame and super short cut. What's next? To look like a balding old man?
The thought of a hairless fate for my head taunts me. I have disturbing visions of a vanishing hairline, patches of exposed skin and a tender, vulnerable scalp. I've tried to run and hide from my receding hairline by wearing hats and avoiding the mirror but it has been futile. I have been unable to escape my fear. 
While I've been looking at the receding hairline on my head with fear and concern, God has been looking at the receding trust in my heart. He knows how truly frightened I am of the future. He sees how scared I am by each scorched strand.
But I need not be fearful of what will become of my hair because God already has it planned. I don't need to know how many strands I'll have in the future because God already has them counted. As I've looked in the mirror I have tried to face my fear by imagining what I might look like bald but even with my most vivid imagination cap securely fastened I can't picture it. And the good news is I don't need to.
God has already plotted out every step of my life's journey according to His will and graciously lifted from me the burden of knowing the future. Whether or not my hair continues to retreat or if it miraculously returns with increased thickness and volume, I can rest assured that God is in control. If my health continues to sizzle or if I gain strength and vitality, I trust and know that God is always in control.
Today, with this head of receding hair, is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice in it, no matter what lies ahead for my locks. Because I trust and believe in the perfect will of God, I can cast off worry and live free of fear. Today, in this balding moment, I can concentrate solely on the goodness and glory of Christ and leave the future of my hair, my health and my heart in the All Mighty hands of God.