The answer is "Yes"

Have you ever heard God whisper to you "am I enough?"
Have you been in His presence, silent and still, and heard Him offer Himself to you, promising to be your portion and your sustenance?
Have you ever heard God ask you to be patient with Him, hanging on to Him and Him alone, while He works out the plan for your life?

Today I heard that. I heard God ask me plainly, "Aren't I enough for you?"
What could I possibly say? Of course He is enough. Of course He can sustain me. Of course He can be my sustenance. Of course He can carry me. Of course He can be my everything.
And He is.
Once again God was asking me to rely solely on Him. I am not to rely on another person, thing or the dream of a person or thing. My days aren't to be spent looking ahead to what will fulfill me next, but they are to be a daily sacrifice to the Lord. Each day is precious and special to Him. He has a purpose for me in this day. Fulfilling that purpose and being in His presence is enough to give my life abundant meaning. I don't need what this world has to offer. I have something greater.
When I heard God's question I was humbled. Clearly I wasn't making Him my everything. If I had been then there would have been no need for Him to ask. But I was looking elsewhere for fulfillment. I was letting my mind and heart search for external things of this world to fill the place in my heart that only God can fill. Primarily, I was dreaming and wishing for a romantic, male companion to fill such a place. But God hasn't sent Mr. Right just yet. For all I know He may never send him. So, the question is, can God be enough in spite of that? This isn't always an easy answer to give, but yes, He is enough. Somedays those words are harder to utter than others. But every day, no matter how difficult it may be, the answer is the same.
I may never have a special someone in my life. I may never have someone to share my home, adventures and difficulties with in the form of a flesh and blood husband. But I have someone in Heaven and He loves me unconditionally. He is jealous for me. He desires me with His whole heart and wants me to yearn for Him with the same intensity. He is lovingly, longingly looking at me and asking, "won't you let me be enough for you?"
And I am saying yes.

God's sign returns: another deer encounter

I am beginning to learn that what is extraordinary to me is really just God's ordinary. His imagination is so much greater than mine. His ideas leave me in awe. But to Him it is all in a day's work.
Case in point: I had another deer encounter.
Again, my deer appeared in Chagrin Falls - the place I tend to need reminding of God's faithfulness. Don't get me wrong, Chagrin Falls is a little slice of heaven. It is a step back in time to old time America where kids met up outside the local candy store and you walked to get a gallon of milk. Church bells ring on the hour and any time the fire department is called out to an emergency the whole town knows - trust me, you can't miss those sirens. When I am here I feel like I've stepped back into a black and white film minus all the men in sports jackets and ladies wearing heels in the kitchen. Just replace those characters of your old time movie with both guys and girls in jeans  and little dogs on the ends of leashes. And then your picture will be complete: Chagrin Falls in all of its glory.
Despite all of its appeal and charm, Chagrin Falls has still been a hard place for me to adjust to. I love my childhood home. My Mom is my best friend. I like the familiarity of being in Erie where I know everything about the town and feel like I understand my place in it. But here I am thrown into a new environment and I must start over. I have to define my reason for being here and carve out my place in this world. In Erie that work has already been done. But not here. In Chagrin Falls I am a newbie, just trying to figure out where I fit.
More than anything, I find myself lonely. It isn't always fun living by yourself. Sometimes it has its perks. When you are feeling like being silent and quiet it is perfect. But when you have something to share with someone, an exciting tidbit of your day you want to discuss, there is no one right there to hear it. You have to pick up the phone - thank God for technology. Still, it isn't the same. The phone is just a substitute for the actual presence of a person who can respond with facial expressions and physical touch. Through the phone you are on a one dimensional plane. Living alone makes you miss the more intimate aspects of relationship that can be taken for granted when you have never had to go without it.
But enough of all that! Back to the deer encounter.
This afternoon I came back to Chagrin after a quick 24 hour trip to Erie. Although it was brief I still had a difficult time wanting to come back here. It doesn't take me long to feel settled in my Erie home. But I bucked up and drove back to Chagrin Falls. I knew that once I bit the bullet and made the trip back I'd soon get over my initial reluctance to do so. I just had to do it. So I didn't delay.
And thank goodness I didn't. I pulled into the driveway and started to unload my bags. First came the groceries from Trader Joe's. I put them away and then headed back out to get the second load and there she was, a magnificent deer running through my neighbors yard, into the trees. I was stunned, rendered motionless and frozen. My sign from God was right next door, running with a delicate ease at the exact moment I was walking out of my door. Had I been a moment later I might have missed her. Had I decided to stay back in Erie for another hour she might have moved onto another lush garden to snack on. But I was just on time and so was she.
A stately deer has been my God wink since I have moved to Chagrin Falls. Repeatedly He has sent a deer in my path at moments when I have struggled with loneliness. Never before have I seen deer at such close proximity and in such populated areas as I have here, in my personal deer encounters. Each time they show up it is in a neighborhood when no one else is around. Sometimes they stop and look at me. But today she didn't. Every time, without fail, the deer does run. And when she does it is beautiful.

God never ceases to amaze me. I never prayed for some kind of sign to show me that I am not alone. When I drove here today I didn't say any prayer at all. Yet, God knows my heart. He knew that my spirit was weak in the midst of anxieties and loneliness. I didn't have to beg Him to show Himself. He was already there and He already knew the condition of my heart.
This is how our great God works: He shows up in miraculous ways, ways that we don't expect or imagine. We might be stuck in our struggles, doing our best to remain steadfast in our faith, remaining obedient and dedicated to our Savior, and He will come down and bless us in our struggle. When we diligently seek to please Him and live in accordance with His will we are able to see the majestic way in which He works all the time.
Today my cry to God wasn't audible. It wasn't even a silent prayer in my mind. It was knowing that I had to do the right thing and that was come back to Chagrin Falls. I did so in faith, knowing that God has brought me this far and that He will not abandon me. His deer was just more proof of that truth. He is here with me, living in my little dream house. I am not alone. I have the deer. But more importantly, I have the presence, protection and company of a Savior who loves me enough to send me nature's most precious creatures to remind me that I am His beloved and that He is mine.

The God I serve

The God I serve is not distant or far removed. He is not like the "Great and Powerful Oz" stuck behind a curtain, only to be experienced in some vague form from afar. No, that is not the God I serve. That is not the God who created the universe, knit me in my Mother's womb and has numbered each hair on my head. He is intimately, passionately involved in the details and most minuscule nuances of my life.
When I consider the depth of love that God has lavished on me I am awe struck and breathless. I am so unworthy, so undeserving of the magnitude of His grace. I am a repeat offender of the most egregious sins. Yet, somehow, God loves me. In spite of making mistake after mistake He still has shown a mercy that is unfathomable to me. I don't deserve all the goodness that he has poured out on me, yet He hasn't been the least bit stingy. He has showered on me blessings in such great abundance that I couldn't write them all even if I had the whole New York Public Library to store the books the lists would fill. His favor is unmeasurable, incalculable, beyond mere words.
Today as I ran along the path at the Peninsula, I surveyed my beautiful surroundings. A picture perfect day painted the sky a perfect baby blue with not a cloud in sight. The air smelled of fall yet the temperature still felt like the end of summer. The trees overhead enveloped me like a hug, their green leaves cooling me with a gentle breeze and shading me from the warm sun. The bay was still and calm, dotted with the sail boats and peaceful kayakers. The scene around me was of pure bliss. My heart couldn't help but feel light and free.
There, on that path, I experienced the overwhelming joy of being loved and cared for by Christ. Me - with all of my past of sin, my tendency toward loneliness and frustration, my mistakes and regrets - I am a beloved, cherished child of God, the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Redeemer, Messiah. Nothing can diminish His love for me. Nothing can destroy that love. It is forever. It is unconditional. It is magnificent!
That love has brought me from death to life: dead in my transgressions, alive through the salvation of Jesus Christ. He loves me that much. Even before I loved Him in return, He poured out His love to me. I didn't do anything to earn it or deserve it. I could never do anything to merit the love that He has to give. The beauty is that He doesn't expect me to earn it. He knows I can't. But He still loves me anyway.
He is dedicated to restoring my soul and drawing me closer to Him. He desires to be intimately involved in my life. He has come into my soul and given me life. His breath has become my breath. I am not my own, but I am His and He is living through me.
As I ran I felt His presence all around me. Months ago I could have never imagined running with such ease but He has carried me to this place. He has, once again, shown His love to be powerful and overwhelming. He has defied my comprehension in restoring not only my soul, but my body, too. When I look at the road He has taken me on and the brilliance of the plan I am left awe struck. He knew all along the path that would lead me to this place. It was His love that let me suffer in moments of pain and weakness. That suffering drew me closer to Him. Through my pain He was able to reach deeper into my heart and show me how He can heal me. Without the open wounds I might have not been as willing and ready to have Him do His work. But I desperately wanted His touch. I needed, and still need, His healing and gracious hand upon me every hour of every day.
By grace He has forgiven me for my stumbling and lack of faith. He has never given up on this wayward child. He has done just the opposite. He has come alongside me and carried me when I was too weak, scared or timid to continue on. He has stooped down, cradled me in His arms and shown me the power of His love. There is nothing more in this world I could ever hope to experience, achieve or attain.
God has poured out everything for me and I, in return, want to give Him my whole life. May it be used for His kingdom and His glory. For He is more precious than silver or gold, more powerful than the fiercest of storms. He is the maker of Heaven and earth and the sustainer of this little child's soul. The depth of His love and care for me takes my breath away. I am forever speechless in the presence of my King.

Turn it on replay

Find what makes your heart sing - then replay that tune.

For me it is a run with songs of praise as my playlist...
It is sitting in a coffee shop with a hot cup of (black) light roast and my computer opened to a clean, blank page...
It is an evening game of scrabble with no pressure of keeping score...
It is a worship song that praises God...
It is a morning walk with Pippy while the world is still quiet and still...
It is a good book curled up in bed in the dark with just my little reading light...
It is scooping out food in the line at the City Mission...
It is talking about my beautiful Savior with a sister in Christ...
It is feeling the strength of God while lifting heavy weights and challenging my body...
It is a walk on the beach at the edge of the shore with the soft sand beneath my feet and cool water rushing around my ankles...
It is listening to a simple acoustic guitar and united voices that are crying out to God in an act of praise and surrender...
It is reading scriptures filled with God's omnipotence and plan for His beloved...
It is walking in the midst of a flourishing garden...
It is preparing fresh, beautiful greens and vegetables to enjoy for a meal...
It is helping my nieces with math homework...
It is finding the perfect gift for someone's birthday...
It is holding the music book for an elderly woman in a nursing home...
It is writing this blog...

Where does your heart sing? What lights a fire within your soul? What brings a smile to your face?
Find those places. Find the places where your heart feels at home. Then keep coming back. Return to that place of ease and peace. You might be facing a world of upheaval and difficulty. Still, there is something or someplace in your life where peace can be found - a place where you feel God's goodness and pleasure. There is still a song that you can't help but sing along with. Even in the midst of your storm you can play that song. You can choose to turn your dial to that station. It is there, God is there, just waiting for you to tune in.
Write down where those places are for you. Is it in a certain workout? It is a genre of music or a particular song? It is a certain scripture? Is it a call to a special person? A ministry to a person in need? Is it a walk in nature or a run on a treadmill?
Write down your place. When you feel that your joy is slipping or that the world is working on your mind, telling it lies and dragging down your spirit, return to that list. Turn back your dial to your favorite life songs. God hasn't stopped playing them. You've just changed the station. Turn back. It is as simple as pressing a different button. Go to your song. Take your walk. Read your passage in the Bible. Pick flowers from your garden.
For me, I'll be going for my walk...to the Starbucks...with my computer...to get a grande blonde roast...while I talk on the phone to my niece who needs algebra help. I'm not just playing a verse or two of a radio hit, I'm tuning into my own personal symphony! The question is are you tuning into yours?

Follow the leader

Fans follow their sports team.
The talmead follow their Rabi.
Groupies go after their band.
Fitness clients seek the direction of their personal trainer.
The church congregation looks to their pastor.
Yoga students look to their Guru.
Married couples seek out advice from their counselor.
And people everywhere seek the advice of Dr. Oz.

It seems that everywhere you look everyone is following something or someone.
Time for some self-reflection.
Who or what are you following?

You don't have to speak it out loud. If it is Oprah I'm guessing you'd rather keep that to yourself.
Upon honest reflection I think it is safe to say that we all could come up with at least one person we are following. The question is: do we want that to be who we follow? Do we want our footsteps to be in lock step with that person? Is that really who we should be imitating?

Over the course of my young life I know that I have followed in the footsteps of many faulty leaders. Some have been actual people and other times it has been a "way" that isn't THE WAY. I've ordered my life and steps in accordance with some earthly concept or some human in the flesh.
What a grave mistake that has been.
Following in the path of anyone but Jesus is a path doomed for destruction. Even the best intentioned of leaders is flawed, they are human. Any way created by those sinful humans is just as flawed and just as doomed. The ideas of these people or the road they are taking may look appealing. Their life might seem to be doing just fine; better than yours in fact. It is tempting to want to emulate what they are doing. The personal trainer at your gym is in great shape so you are inclined to want to do just what she is doing - even if that means hitting the gym on Sunday and counting every last calorie you consume. The other employee at your work seems to be doing better at sales so you start using some of his tactics even though they include smudging the truth (aka lying). Your pastor has a thriving congregation and what seems to be the "perfect" family. You begin to idolize his teaching, putting your trust in hope in his sermons and not in the living, breathing word of God.
On the surface your leader looks like they have the answers. By earthly standards this may seem like a good person to follow. But if they are who you are looking to for your direction, purpose and guidance then you're leader might as well be walking you right off the side of a cliff.
There is only one leader who we are to put our trust and faith in. No one on this earth holds the key to our destiny or sits on the throne of heaven. It is God who knows the future. He sent Jesus Christ in the flesh, giving us footsteps to follow in. He has given us the Holy Spirit as a guide to dwell inside of us.
God can provide us counsel through other people along our path but He will never provide us a leader apart from Himself. He is our leader, His footsteps are to be our footsteps. There is no other way apart from His that we are to follow. No other man made religion or concept. Not a single self-help book or revolutionary step-by-step plan. God is our plan. He is our guide. He is the book. He is our leader.
Search your heart and find your leader. Is it God? If He isn't, He can be. He wants nothing more than to be your leader. If you have claimed Him as your own but have let someone else slip into His leadership position you can make that right. You can stop following your leader. You can turn back to God and begin to follow Him. He is still in the business of leading even though you might have strayed from following.
God will always wait for you. His offer to be your leader doesn't come with an expiration date. This isn't a guided tour that has left the premises. He is ready and willing to be your leader. All He asks is that you follow Him.

A lid on the trash

Today I came across a little image with a trash can and the words next to it read, "Do not use your stomach as a trash can." Good advice. In fact, advice I take to heart and practice. I believe eating clean is fundamental for good health and taking care of the body. God gave us wonderful food found in nature with a multitude of flavors and textures. These foods have unique healing properties. They were made for our benefit and enjoyment. We don't need to rely on the chemical substances produced in some lab by some scientist who is looking for the next great breakthrough. That stuff is simply trash. We have been given beautiful and clean food to sustain us. Isn't God marvelous?

When I read this little phrase and looked at the little picture my mind immediately started writing a new phrase next to the same picture: "Do not use your mind as a trash can."
Plenty of people "eat clean." It is a popular movement in our culture. Community gardens are in vogue. It is "in" to eat obscure greens like kale and chard. That has become the way of sophisticated palates. Who would have thought it'd be cool to eat like a rabbit? Well, the day has come my friends.
But what about how we treat our minds? Do we take the same care in weeding out what passes through our mind's eye as we do in choosing what passes through our lips and into our stomachs? Is it "in" and "cool" to abstain from the perverse and dirty aspects of cultural and media influences? Are we feeding our minds with whatever we come across, whether or not it is actually good for us?
Unfortunately, I don't think our society gives much value to the mind's cleanliness. It doesn't take a genius or psychoanalyst to come to that conclusion. Just turn on the TV. The latest shows to win Emmys just the other night were Breaking Bad and Modern Family. Breaking Bad is apparently a hit crime drama. I've never seen it but usually crime involves blood, swearing, drugs and alcohol. I would feel safe in guessing this show includes all of the above.
I have seen Modern Family. They are modern alright. A homosexual couple with a young daughter was too modern for me. If that is modern than I'll take the stone age.
Sin, in all forms, is rationalized and celebrated in our culture. We feed that to our minds and the minds of children through the television, movies, music and books. Our radio waves are filled with rap that spews inappropriate language about women. The books that have become best sellers glamorize sex. Then they get turned into movies.
And this is what we put in our minds. We take the trash, filth and sin and actively tune in: Christians and non-Christians alike.
Dear reader, I challenge you to take a step of faith with me. Decide to stop treating your mind like a trash can. Tune out of the pop culture influences that glamorize what God has deemed destructive. If the Bible calls it an abomination or sin then don't buy into the lie that it can be entertainment. There is nothing entertaining about moral debasement.
God has given us an abundance of good and beneficial mind "food." The Bible is the best read possible. Church is a wonderful place to fellowship. Worship is an uplifting and glorifying sound. There is no shortage of sustenance for the mind. You don't need to resort to filling up on trash.
Today I am choosing to put the lid on the trash can. I am going to go to the garden of God's plentiful goodness. I am going to feast on His beneficial, healing and nutritious nourishment. I don't need the grub of this world. I have the daily bread of God. My mind will be forever full and satisfied. Will you join me?

The Truth

In John 14:6 Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life."
I love how boldly Jesus declares who He is. Few understood it, but they couldn't deny that they were informed. He said it right to them. I am your way to heaven. I am the right way to live. Follow me.
He didn't try to make it complicated. He was there in the flesh, all they had to do was follow him. He was and is the Way.
He is the Truth. I think it is easy for people to claim that Jesus is the Way. Sure, I'll say I believe in that guy so I can go to heaven. But are we prepared to claim Him as Truth and live in light of that Truth? That becomes harder. Truth can be uncomfortable. When we are honest and truthful we often have to face realities we would rather hide away in a dark closet. The trouble is that dark closet won't clean itself. The more we pack it full of unrecognized truth the dirtier and messier it becomes. All the while it isn't really hidden. God sees it all along. He knows every scrap that has accumulated over the years. He could measure the dust particles that have created a thick layer over the surface of our "hidden" realities.
Our denied truth comes in all forms: bad habits, frustrations, lies, anger, unresolved problems, denial, resentment, unrepentant sin.... We take all of this truth and either face it head on and bring it to light or we store it away somewhere out of clear sight.
Although it may be out of our sight it is certainly not out of mind. The closet that is bursting at the seams with unrecognized truth is a burden on our backs. When we move we have to take the contents of the closet with us. We can't escape them. We can do a pretty good job of hiding it from the people around us but we can't hide it forever and we can't hide it from God.
In Hebrews 4:13 tells us plainly, "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."
Isn't that frightening and freeing all at the same time? God see's all. On the surface, that is a little shocking. Suddenly your secret closet isn't so secret after all. But it isn't it also freeing? You can release the burden. It is almost laughable. Here you were, protecting and guarding the door to that closet making sure no one caught of glimpse of what was inside and all along God was standing on the other side! You couldn't keep it from Him.

God is truth. He knows the truth we are trying desperately to hide. When we won't face the truth in our own lives we build a wall between ourselves and God. How can we have a pure, whole, intimate relationship with God when He recognizes the truth and we deny its existence? There immediately becomes a separation that can't be overcome by agreeing to disagree. The only way to overcome this wall is to tear it down. The only way to tear it down is to empty the closet.

Admitting the existence of truth in your life may require you to be honest with yourself. Maybe your truth is something you've tried to hide from your own conscience. Or maybe it is something that involves other people in your life. Maybe you have made a web out of lies and deceit that must be uncovered and swept clean. Maybe you have held hostilities in the depths of your heart and you need to go to the person of whom you've had such thoughts, asking for forgiveness. Maybe you have been hanging onto bad habits and you need to seek accountability from a brother or sister in Christ.
Your truth may not look like any that I've laid out. It might come in a whole different form. But if you can call it to mind then you know where it sits in the closet. Bring it out, let God shine His light upon it. When His light reaches it the path to full-disclosure can come into view.

There is nothing in your life that is hidden from God. He see's all because He is the truth. When you come to truth in His Way and live in the light of His Truth you will experience Life. Abundant, magnificent Life. Not a life with a messy closet but Life free of the burden of unrecognized truth. Life spent in the Light of the God of all Truth.