Controlling the dimmer switch

When I was in middle school my parents gutted our kitchen and remodeled the whole thing, completely transforming it from a dark, dated, cramped space into one that is white, bright and timeless. Everything that they did to that space was an improvement. Wood floors were laid, white cabinets were installed, new appliances filled the space where old (some no longer working) appliances used to sit and new recessed lighting was placed in the ceiling. The lighting continues to be one of my favorite features of the kitchen. I am not a big fan of bulky, fluorescent lights that hang from the ceiling like an impending alien invasion. I like the sleek, subtle lights that are set into the ceiling with a look that is finished and polished. The added bonus of recessed lighting is the nifty switch that comes along with them: the dimmer.
I am a big fan of the dimmer. I use it every day. In the early morning the lights at full blast are just too bright for my liking. Instead I usually ease into the day with lights at half their fullness, then gradually increase their brightness as the day progresses and the sun rises.
Recently my love of the dimmer has grown into a little bit of an annoyance because the dimmer seems to be on the fritz. It still performs its function but it does so with a constant buzzing sound. When the lights are anything but completely off or completely on there comes a constant low grade buzz from the vicinity of the wall switch. My limited (or rather, nonexistent) electrician skills forbid me from being able to diagnose the cause of the problem. All I know is that the dimmer no longer wants to perform its function in silence. If it's going to give me dimmed lights it is going to complain the whole time.
The current status of the dimmer in the kitchen got me thinking about my own internal dimmer. Never before had I considered that I am in control of a dimmer that is letting in or keeping out the light in my own life. My possession of an internal dimmer isn't unique. We all have one. Some of us are aware of its presence and power. Others of us have no clue that we can control such a thing.
Our internal dimmer sets the amount of God we allow to penetrate our daily lives. The dimmer can be turned completely down. Every day we can choose to wake up without the slightest thought of God, his presence or his will. We can walk through the day without considering obedience, scriptural right and wrong or Godly love. We can go to sleep without letting a prayer pass our lips or even pop into our mind. The dimmer might as well not even exist. You could cut the chord that supplies its power and no one would know because no one has thought to turn the knob in so long they have forgotten what it controls or that it is there at all.
Others put their dimmer up part way but never get the full brilliance of the light. They turn it up enough to see but, afraid of blinding light before the eyes are adjusted, don't crank it up all the way. They never get to live life fully because the lights are only up half way. They perform the tasks of the day with a constant ringing. Yes, they can see but there is something not quite right. The buzzing gets in the way and the shadows of the dim light require squinting. Seeing isn't effortless. Some things (like dust and dirt) are missed. Some spots on the floor don't get cleaned. And always that buzzing. Something is just not quite right. Something is being overlooked.
But then there is the life lived in the full brightness of the light. Instead of waiting for our eyes to be adjusted to the light of the day, instead of easing our way out of darkness, this life jumps into the day full steam ahead, lights ablaze. This person doesn't shy away from the dirt and grim that is only seen in full light. This person doesn't fear the startling effects of the quick transition of sleep to full light. They revel in the brightness. Their day is a celebration of all that can be seen in the fullness of the light. They don't have an annoying buzz to disturb their thinking. They have clarity of thought and the clearest of vision.
Every day, when we wake up and roll out of bed, we can choose where we will set our own internal, personal dimmer. Will you turn yours on at all or continue to stumble around in the darkness? Will you tap into part of its potential, allowing for just a shadowy dimness to cast over your surroundings while still having to put up with an incessant and unexplainable ringing?
Or will you turn the lights on full blast? Will you risk the alarming brightness for the thrill of being able to see everything fully without having to squint and without having to put up with an unnatural buzz? The shock might startle you at first. Bright light at 6 AM on a cool fall morning can make a person stop dead in their tracks. But the shock is temporary. The eyes adjust.
When our lights are turned completely on our hearts can be completely open to what God has in store for us. We can see heartache and joy through his glasses. We won't be looking through a fog. We won't be trying to read print that is too small in light that is too dark. We will have clear vision.
Each morning God wants us to set our heart's dimmer to this setting. If you woke up this morning and didn't even reach for the switch it is not too late. If you turned it on but didn't turn it up, it is not too late. The round knob still holds the power to shine those lights at full potential. God is still there, ready to illuminate your heart and bring light into your life. All you have to do is turn that knob all the way up.

Another setback...

Well, as life would go, another setback has put me on the sidelines once again. This is the never ending story of my life for the past 3...almost 4 years. Just when things start to turn a corner I get dealt another blow. This time to a tendon in my foot.
I started running about a month ago and fell in love. I fell so hard that I went a little run crazy, increasing my distance and speed too quickly. At least, that is what all the webMD sites tell me. "Increase load by 10% a week." I knew this yet I thought I could handle more. How wrong I was. I was increase my loads by 20% a run which I was doing almost every other day. So much for weekly increases at a slow and steady pace. I threw caution to the wind and now I am paying the price.
Unlike my other setbacks this has been self inflicted. Certainly not intentional, but still, the consequences have been the same. I brought this on myself and now I must pay the price by putting into practice the recovery principle of rest.
Oh no.
This may have been self inflicted and a training mistake on my part but there is no doubt in my mind that God has a much needed lesson to teach me in all of this. "Rest" has never been my strong suit. I'm a doer. A goer. I like to be on the move. I don't like to sit still. I don't like to have a day where I'm not accomplishing things. Being a load drives me nuts. I am no good at being physically lazy. I don't have a job and I don't bring home big amounts of bacon, so in some sense people may call me extremely lazy. But I don't sit on my butt all day zoned out in front of the TV. I don't waste my time on the Kardashians. I like to make lists of things to get done so at the end of the day I can put big check marks next to my completed tasks. I like the feeling of a completion.
And I love working out. I love running. I love the feeling of setting a goal and reaching it - if not exceeding it. So this whole "rest," "limit physical activity," "abstain from running and weight bearing exercises on the foot" idea is driving me up a wall.
Two whole weeks of this?
No running?
Being overly concerned with my activity, limiting it and making it extremely low impact?
You said a whole, entire two weeks?...at least??

This was making me depressed and moody. How can I live like this for two days, let alone two weeks?
These questions plagued me until I pictured God sitting up in heaven, on his throne, just smiling. He knew I needed to be forced to learn how to rest.
He has been working on my resting skills for years yet there is still work to be done. I am, to say the least, a work in progress.
Now God is going to use this latest set back to raise the bar. Can I be content when I am grounded, stalled out, put on the sidelines and told to hang tight - literally? Just when things started to look like they were going to turn around, when I thought my life was finally going to take off, a step backwards. Will I be able to rest in the midst of this latest storm cloud?

This torn tendon in my foot is the latest barometer of my spiritual health. It will revel the status of my heart and who really holds it. Am I still trying to control my emotions and grasping for the steering wheel of my life or am I surrendered to God, finding peace in his presence and unshakable power?
My reaction to this set back can go in a number of different directions. Some of them will only cause a wall to build up between me and God. I can grow depressed and frustrated, lamenting my current lot in life. Or I can choose to take this time and let it grow me further. I can take my time stuck on the couch to read more of God's word and write more about what he is doing in my heart.
I can take what might be seen as a devastating blow and turn it into a time for blossoming. The choice is mine and mine alone. This is the challenge and beauty of free will. At every fork in the road we have a number of options when it comes to which road to travel. Not every road will honor God and draw us closer to him. The right road to take is always the road that moves us closer to the heart of God. A journey down that road will never disappoint and time on that path is never wasted.

Your life, run for HIm

I run to know God.
I run to challenge myself.
I run to learn what I am capable of.
I run to feel God uphold me.
I run to sweat.
I run to be built stronger.
I run to find my body's limits and God's limitlessness.

I run to show myself and the world that little can truly be much.
I run to prove that, with God, all things are possible.
I run to meet with God.


Why do you do the things that you do? What drives you to stride forward in action?
Is it God? Is it Christ in you?
Who propels you?
Who inspires your actions? 
Who or what motivates you?

Whatever it is you do for work, pleasure, fun or necessity, do it for the glory of God. Do it to know your King more intimately. Do it to reach the heart of Jesus. Do it to grab hold of the Holy Spirit.
Not even the simplest of actions or the most natural of movements should be wasted. They can be a direct contact with the Lord Jesus Christ. The simple act of running can bring glory to God. Answering phones at a front desk for a business can be done to the glory of God. Sweeping floors...driving a car...feeding a dog...rocking a child...all can bring you closer to God.

Is God behind the wheel of your heart, calling you forward and guiding your steps? Let your life be a constant and continual pouring out to Him. Let all your actions, big and small, be acts of worship to Him.
He has created you for His glory. In all your ways acknowledge him. He will make your path straight. Run to him and run for him with all your heart. Let each step be a sacrifice and every leap an act of worship. He has made you for just such acts of love.

Good morning storm clouds

Go forward trusting in your healing.
This morning in particular that message was as clear as a bell...and boy, did I need to hear it.
Some days I fall into frustration and struggle to break free from it. I let it overwhelm my thoughts and color my view and attitude.
Today I rolled out of bed with the threat of frustration looming overhead like an impending storm just waiting to ruin the beach goers day. The bathing suit clad crew hopes the storm will pass over with fingers crossed and an eye on the Weather Channel.
For me my hope had to come despite a change in circumstances; it had to come even if the sun didn't. I needed strength imparted from on High to handle the storm with grace and patience.
I walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and heard God tell me, "trust in your healing." The relief was immediate. My frustration fled. My circumstances didn't. They didn't need to. My heart was changed towards my circumstances.
Thank God that he has never abandoned me. He knows how fundamentally and perpetually weak I am. I need him to keep sustaining me and carrying me because on my own steam I stumble and sometimes fall.
This morning he was once again faithful.
No matter how long it takes to regain total health I will trust in my healing. God is restoring me on his time table, not mine. But that does not mean he is not busy at work making this body new and whole again. He is building it to be better than it ever was. He is rebuilding my life from the inside out.

Giving grace

I must admit that I can tend to be stingy in my extending of grace. This is a major area in which I need major work. Although I know the immense blessing of living a life bathed in grace, I sometimes forget that I need to give that same grace to the people around me.
My troubles comes when people do things that hurt me. It can be a comment, a look or an overall sense that I am not being treated properly. Instead of extending grace to these "offenders," I take an attitude of dissatisfaction. Why are they treating me this way? What did I do to deserve this? I start blaming a flaw in their character or a lack of spiritual understanding as the cause of their behavior. I get inwardly defensive to what I feel are an onslaught of unwarranted rude and uncalled for behavior. My attitude in response to theirs becomes one of defense instead of one that is pouring out love.
This response is devoid of grace. It doesn't take into account the difficulty that the person in question might be facing or the stress that may be weighing on their mind. Maybe they don't have any  difficulty or stress to speak of. But that doesn't let me off the hook when it comes to giving grace. Their attitude is theirs to deal with. My attitude is to be one of grace, no matter how I am treated.
When I think on the lyrics of Amazing Grace I am humbled and brought to repentance for my lack of grace. There is a version of the song that says, "my chains are gone, I've been set free..." Isn't it amazing that God has given me grace that is allowing me to live my life free and redeemed? Shouldn't I be showing this grace to the world, displaying for them the freedom that comes from a life lived through God's ultimate grace and forgiveness on the cross?
Each day I am living as a redeemed, saved child of God. And it is only possible because of grace. I did nothing to deserve it and I cannot earn it. God has given it to me freely, although it cost him everything. He was pierced by my wrongdoings and crushed by my sins, yet he doesn't hold me accountable. He has given me grace to walk as a freed sinner.
He desires that I live my life pouring out this grace to the world, so that they may see the amazing gift God has given with the death of his son Jesus on the cross. On my own human steam I am short on grace, weak on granting forgiveness. But God is not. He is mighty to save and full of abundant grace. He can pour it out through me, if I'll let him.
My prayer this morning is that today, and everyday, I will be a vessel delivering God's grace to a world that is full of judgment and contempt. This world is in desperate need of God's grace and he has asked me to show it to them. May I be filled with him so that I can overflow onto each and every person I encounter.

Finding comfort in solitutde

Single girls (and guys, too) love to lament their plight of singlehood. They blame their dissatisfaction on the fact that they don't have a significant other. If only they were in a relationship, had someone to love and love them in return, then they would be happy. A relationship would solve their  problems and make them complete.
And then you talk to a dissatisfied married woman (or man) and hear their laundry list of complaints: her husband doesn't listen, doesn't help around the house, is a slob, snores and leaves the bathroom sink with an unsightly grim that he doesn't even seem to notice...the list goes on and on. And what would solve their problems? What would relieve them of their agitation and set their life right again? A change in their husband or a change altogether in marital status. They look to their spouse as the source of their life's troubles and see a change in that person as a solution.
The single girl, longing for a companion, swears she would never make such complaints about her long awaited sweetheart. She would compliment him, make him his favorite dinners, have his coffee ready every morning, do his laundry with a smile, clean the grim of the sink while whistling a happy tune, gently wake him with a kiss when he slept through the alarm....she would cherish him and never get frustrated with his quirks. She would love and embrace his quirks! That is what caused her to fall in love with him in the first place, right? (There are so many things wrong with this picture that I don't even know where to being...)
She'll be stunned by reality after she makes those fateful "I dos." She might have entered into the marriage with the greatest of intentions to be content and happy, believing that this marriage would provide that for her. But the truth is that marriage, singleness, dating - none of them can fill our void, none of them can provide us with true contentment.
Our satisfaction with life cannot be found in a person or in a relationship status. We must be content and complete in our solitude. Our happiness must be drawn out from within us, not from anyone on the outside.
When we base our peace and joy on having a certain person in our life, acting in a certain way and meeting our certain expectations, then we are destined to be on an emotional roller-coaster. Our happiness must come from having a heart that is satisfied with God and God alone. When he fills our heart we won't be looking to a man or woman to satisfy our needs. Our needs will be met before Prince Charming ever walks through the door. He can be an added bonus in life and a wonderful companion in our journey of spiritual growth as we make our way through this earth, but he won't be our sustainer of happiness and source of joy.
Buying into the popular notion that a significant other can put the wandering heart to rest is a gimmick that is being bought in record breaking numbers. Why are dating websites so popular? Because people believe their ultimate dissatisfaction in life is not anything they have done or not done, but the lack of having a loving partner that they can touch and feel. But we do have a loving partner in life. The physical need to see that person and hold onto them gets in the way of realizing the immense outpouring of love that is available if only we would receive it.
The love God has for us can fill us unlike any other. It can bring our wandering hearts to rest, closing down dating website accounts and putting an end to speed dating forever. Instead of looking to find a person to fill a void or looking to change the current spouse who is doing a lousy job at filling the void, we will be filled with a perfect love that cannot be rivaled and never be matched.
This is where true happiness is found. Not in a marriage, not in a boyfriend or girlfriend, not in the husband who makes breakfast in bed or the wife who always lets her husband have control of the remote...ultimate joy is found in being filled with the Holy Spirit. Every other person will come up short, proving to be a poor substitute for the real thing. Don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of believing that your lack of contentment is coming from the lack of a particular person. You already have the person, three in one, who can give your life meaning and peace. You don't need any other.

More about coming to God's table...

Despite knowing how you fellowship best with God...despite knowing that you need to commune with him continually and regularly...despite knowing that a relationship with God that is stagnant is no relationship at all...despite knowing that you must take time to meet with God......
...some days you simply won't feel like it.
Maybe you are tired or busy. Maybe you have a list of "to-dos" or just a list of "things that sound more fun"...life is full of excuses. Sometimes there isn't a particular excuse du jour. Instead, it is just a lack of resolve and desire to meet with God that pulls you in another direction. Instead of a devotional time you turn on a sitcom. Instead of listening to worshipful music you turn on the country station with the latest hits. The act of avoiding God can be small and minor but can have a great and lasting impact.
On these days when communing with God isn't the burning desire of your heart, do it anyway. Set aside the time to meet with God. Be intentional.
Your act of communion cannot be solely based on your emotional readiness. If we wait for our own hearts to stir and bring us to the table we might never get there. Coming to meet with God must be an act of obedience. That is the only hope we have of making it a part of our habitual lifestyle, and not just a come and go occurrence that occasionally makes its way into our daily routine.

This morning I suffered from this spiritual stagnation. I didn't feel like coming to my own personal table. I knew the table was a run and, normally, I am excited for the exercise and the prayer time with God. But this morning I didn't feel like starting out. I felt like my body was too weak to carry me. I was afraid that it would be uncomfortable...sweaty...winded...
I cut my ankle a few days back and my sneakers were rubbing the cut, making it bloody and painful. My mind was full of excuses as to why I could easily skip this morning's run. My mind even came up with a new excuse: you weigh so little, just don't do it.
This excuse bothered me more than any other. Sure, my weight is extremely low and many people would advise against me running at all. But God has built me for action. He has made me strong and he empowers me to move forward. On my own steam and stamina I couldn't run. But I am not working off of my body's limited resources. With each stride I am further drawing on the outpouring of endurance that is in limitless supply when it is given by God.
I decided to go forth with the run, exactly as I had planned. I ran for a little over 2 miles. I was shooting for 2 miles in 20 minutes and I came mighty close to my goal. By the end of the week I hope to build my speed to be able to make it in that time. During the run I didn't feel overly connected to God. The run was painful, especially at the end. My ankle was bloody and achy. But I kept going.

I know there will be days when running will not be fun but it will be necessary if I want to stick with my plan and continue with the lifestyle I am striving for. Same goes with my relationship with God. There are days I just don't want to take the time to talk to him, commune with him and share in intimacy with him. Some days it will be mind over matter, a matter of will power just to run with him. But in the end it is worth it.
After my run I felt immensely blessed. I knew in my heart of hearts that running with God that morning was what I needed even thought it wasn't necessarily what I wanted. In the end it is always best to do the right things, not always the easy thing and not always the most desired thing. Just do what you know is right. As a child of God that means spending intimate time with God, carving out a space in the routine of the day to be with God in whatever way you meet with him best of all. It can be easily neglected but it will be sorely missed.